Thoughts Of A Schizophrenic Brooklynite

Testimony: Lightskinned V. Darkskinned Debate

2010-03-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

"Let go of my fucking hair Kenya" I said angrily. She held and yanked on my long rope like ponytails. I thought the hatred she had was because of my hair, that hung on the sides of my face like the ropes used to hang my ancestors from the willows that wept for them.....not just her ancestors, but...

OUR Ancestors.

Her hair was short and brushed neatly into a ponytail, and picked out into a puffy ball, like a little black cloud sitting directly above a brown earth. (That last line, about the brown earth went over your head.... didn't it? Ahh 5%)

It was my first day, of second grade, my friend Ray Ray had just taught me how to curse, and how independent and 'grown up' it would make me feel. The first time I had ever went to "Real school"

She then maliciously regurgitated words, that I knew were not her own, "You think you cute? Little yellah bitch, you ain't shit. I ought to cut this shit clean off your head". My grandmother would kill me, that was for sure...

"I'm not playing with you Kenya, I WILL FUCK YOU UP!" I angrily yelled, now hyperventilating, sweating profusely through my yellow uniform shirt. My eyes silently threatened her friends who held me down, making it hard to fight. Larette brought the scissors and placed them in Kenya's outstretched hand, sneering and hopeful. Hoping that Kenya would make good on her threat.

I closed my eyes, as tears drummed from behind my pupils, begging to be set free, but they were slaves to my ego.

I wont tell you what happened that day, because whether Kenya cut my hair or not isn't important, what happened in the years to come was...

8 YEARS LATER

I hated to walk down the streets and hear the cat calls of hustlers who were recruiting young girls in the summer to be bottom bitches. I cringed every time I heard the word "Yo, Let me holla at you light skin"

The streets of NY were intense in the 90's and early 2000's. The ignorant stains that the drug epidemic of the 80's had left behind were eventually called children. The children of the crack era, victims of what my criminal Justice books labeled "A Victim-Less crime" A.K.A the offspring of Queens, or should I say crack whores who kneeled before our fathers; Kings...King Pins I should say, who took advantage of the weak. So young men, didn't know how to be young men Not quite understanding that 14 year old girls were not to be dated by 23 year old men with lust in their eyes and bad intentions covered by lullaby-like words. No father figure, no one told them. They were ignorant,I thought. I knew better

I sighed as I walked past Baisley projects, in South Jamaica Queens as a boy I called "Charlie" yelled out his window, "Yo Light skin, when you gonna let me holla at you Ma?" I sucked my teeth, and whispered to myself "fuck you". Then he yelled "Light skin YOU KNOW YOU HEAR ME".

Most of my life, I despised the intruder known as my skin as it tagged along everywhere I went, like a younger sister looking up to her older sibling. "I'm not light Charles, I'm brown" I yelled up to him, weakly smiled and crossed the street. "Nah ma, I like 'em light, like me. We could make some pretty babies" ...

Knowing it would never happen, he cursed me venomously and angrily yelling "Stuck up Bitch, you ain't all that fine anyway" from a 4th floor project window.

I was 14, he was 23. Why the fuck would I care about children, and why would I curse them with the curse I had walked around with attached to me my entire life?

I had denounced my skin color verbally to him, and mentally denounced it years ago in a 3rd floor public school bathroom. I wanted to be the rich Mocha of my twin sisters, and on the same end of the spectrum as my Father and Mother.

Where did I come from?

In a coke induced daze, I believe my mom said that the man whom I thought to be my father wasn't. Her words were slurred, and I was just a baby, but she declared that I was indeed the offspring of a John. I asked if his name was John, since she called him that. she said 'No, he's an Italian man, with no name'.

At that age all I could think about was his clean canvas. A man with no name, free to be whoever he wanted, especially since he had no child to care for. Maybe his name was Eric, Tony, Louis, or whatever, but I knew it wasn't John. I wish I had no name.

Living in a house full of Chocolates, from milk to dark, I constantly tried to prove myself. Eating watermelon until it looked like I was as round as a ball at family gatherings, demanding fried chicken for dinner, reading Malcolm X and roots at 10 years old. I eventually, somewhere in between the books and stereotypical behavior lost my self. Little Mulatto; I called myself. Something Alex Haley had taught me on one of my many visits to the library.

Eventually I got over it, I got over the fact that I would never be the hues I had dreamed of being at night. I accepted my phenotype.

I just want my darker sisters to realize that because you are the color of our ancestors...

OUR ancestors,

Don't be discouraged. Through your own insecurities, you have created the insecure lighter sister, who is always trying to prove herself, who eventually stops trying to kiss your ass and becomes the indignant, cocky creature that she is in her adult years. Who thinks she's better because she's light, because you've drummed it into her head for years. Willie Lynch is still a factor in your life, and you are still a pawn on his chess board.

You're A Bitch, We Know.

2010-03-18T14:15:00.001-07:00

*To The Tune of You're A Jerk* - "You're A Bitch we know, bitch bitch bitch bitch"

Dudes who Bitch all day about "bitches" are a bunch of Bitches.

I know a dude, who talks about ugly girls, fat girls, and girls with no profile pictures, or profile pictures that he doesn't like allllll day. I sit, stare at him, and think "Why do I associate with this guy, he's a bitch. If I wanted a bitch for a friend I'd get me a fucking puppy"

So therefore.... this friendship is null and void.

Calling People Ugly...

You think it makes you look better, but it makes you uglier, on both the inside and outside, because now that your calling that person ugly, I'm sitting there expecting to find one drop dead gorgeous feature on you, and I can't. (Run on sentence... oh well)

Dont Be A Hard Rock, When You really Are A Gem.

2010-03-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

It's been three weeks since you've been looking for your friend
The one you let hit it and never called you again
'Member when he told you he was 'bout the Benjamin's
You act like you ain't hear him then gave him a little trim
To begin, how you think you really gon' pretend
Like you wasn't down then you called him again
Plus when you give it up so easy you ain't even foolin’ him
If you did it then, then you’d probably fuck again
Talking out your neck sayin' you're a Christian
A Muslim sleeping with the gin
Now that was the sin that did Jezebel in
Who you gon' tell when the reprocussions spin
Showing off your ass 'cause you're thinking it's a trend
Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again
You know I only say it 'cause I'm truly genuine
Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem
Baby girl, respect is just a minimum
Niggas fucked up and you still defending 'em
Now Lauryn is only human
Don't think I haven't been through the same predicament
Let it sit inside your head like a million women in Philly, Penn.
It's silly when girls sell their soul because it's in
Look at where you be in, hair weaves like Europeans,
Fake nails done by Koreans.
Come again

How You Gon' Win When You Aint Right Within? Un Un, Come again.

--Lauryn.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I Think this is the most important verse ever put on a song for women. I feel like my big sister was telling me all the things not to do. I see some wild shit when I go out to these parties. During all four years of college I haven't experienced the stuff that I'm experiencing now.

STORY: I went to a party this weekend, and a drunk Freshman girl jumped on a pool table during a house party. She started doing a tip drill dance, pulled her pants down, and kept shaking her ass. Im trying to figure out where her friends are. I turn around to see if I see her friends at least coming towards her, and when I turn back around she has her draws down, spread eagle, playing with her coochie... in the middle of a room, on a pool table. Her friends finally come, and ......hug her and say "Thats My Bitch". I CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP. Well Im a writer, I can, but .... Im not.

Seeing shit like this only makes me go harder, because I wont be like the past generations of adults who overlooked the generations behind them. These kids need help and if I can't help them all, Im fine with helping a few. SMH.

Defaced Property

2010-03-12T08:19:00.001-08:00

Im Going back to Basics. My Inspiration? Art, .... once again.

Strong Ties.

EAT IT

Steady Clownin'

An Ode to Men and Madden

2010-02-28T17:16:00.000-08:00

Controllers & Consoles
Rockband Guitars
Guns For Duck Hunt
There are no directional button's
No analog stick. You can't press R1 L2
You can't blow me and I Work.
Nor can you stick something in me and I produce pictures
Most importantly; there are no cheat codes when It comes to us.
Just when it comes to you .... and your mistress
So If you love X-Box, more than us

...Love Her. Fuck Her. And Make Her scream Your name.

Schizophrenic Thoughts... Again.

2010-02-09T22:34:00.000-08:00

I never thought that I would get to a point in my life where I'm afraid to tell the truth. All that I ask is that you dont ask questions. People can judge me, call me whatever they want, and label me as they please, because all of the greats before me were persecuted for their ideas, thoughts, opinions and actions. As long as me and God are still at an understanding, everything should be ok.

The Bronx & Brooklyn Is Hungry...

2010-02-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

All Of my New York Natives and Bloggers, I was reading the NY times and here is an article that I just want to highlight for you guys. Something we should know but don't because we're eating while others aren't:

A major swath of the Bronx has the highest hunger rate in the entire nation, according to the results of a bombshell new survey.

More than 36% of the people in the 16th Congressional District - stretching from south of Fordham Road and west of the Bronx River - who participated in a Gallup survey responded in the affirmative when asked if there were times in the past year when they did not have enough money to buy the food they or their family needed.
The survey ranked the 10th Congressional District in Brooklyn as sixth in the nation, with nearly 31% of respondents suffering hunger-related troubles.

The Bronx is the number one hungriest place in the nation; Brooklyn is number 6.

SOURCE

Yet To Come.

2010-02-03T14:23:00.000-08:00

I've started 2 different Books, over 9 different pieces worthy of being published in Time Magazine, and Essays and articles.

My essays end up being published in school, hailed as great works, written aggressively and full of passion by one of the most discreet and quiet student's known to attend (my school). My Articles end up in Magazines (not time); however my Time Magazine worthy pieces and books... cant seem to get finished. I put alot of passion, love, emotion, and sleepless, teary eyed nights into them, but It just feels like it's never finished. I have stories to tell, and points to get across.

My greatest stuff is yet to come.

Some Things Aren't Supposed To Happen

2010-02-01T06:33:00.001-08:00

Like Kelly breaking Zack's Heart.
I dont know about anyone else, but When Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski Broke Up ... I cried.
I was young, and that was just not supposed to happen. They're still supposed to be together now. But no she's married to some rich FBI agent on one show, and he's a broke ass DA, and most of his clients end up going to jail, as well as him
Kelly Kapowski is the devil

Yo...

2010-01-31T22:25:00.000-08:00

i hate you.

Haitians Need To Go Back To Their Country...

2010-01-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

and stop coming over here to steal our benefits, and our jobs..."
---Girl on facebook.

Response. (WARNING: The views and opinions that will be expressed in this rant are strictly MY views, stating the way that I feel, and do not reflect the thoughts of most of my affiliates, which is sad.)

Its people who've been fed with silver spoons. Black people have gotten too comfortable. Spanish people, have gotten too Comfortable, Middle easterners, Asians, You've all gotten too comfortable, because many years ago people were yelling at us that we need to take ourselves back to our country.

Black people didn't want to do it when Marcus Garvey or Malcolm X Proposed that we should.
To the rest of the races, and people of other various ethnic backgrounds; you're fairly new here, so I assume you enjoy it here, and don't want to go home, or else you would have already. No one really wanted you here when you flocked to the states either. People really need to Cut That Shit Out. However, we're all entitled to our own opinions, thoughts and views, that's the beauty of being an American, other people deserve and want it too.

Having Native ancestry running through my veins as well as the blood of my Western African ancestors, I should be the one complaining. People stole this country from my ancestors, murdered us with their disgusting diseased blankets and slaughtered us when we told them that their welcome had run it's course. As a descendant of Africa, we built this country and it has taken over 400 years for us to see a black man run this country. Allow me to reiterate; we built this country, brick by red cement brick. However, Natives and blacks have the worst living environments out of all of the people in America.Cut That Shit Out.

Americans, especially BLACK Americans; we need to get our priorities straight.Lets focus on our own communities, rebuilding our own communities, and focus on advancing our own communities before we focus on depriving others.

Im Just A Girl....

2010-01-19T23:11:00.001-08:00

You See, I'm Just A Girl....
A Girl with Unrealistic Hopes, who's grown accustomed to regrets
Who holds on to niggas with bad intentions
A Girl who has spent countless nights crying her soul out... In between Blue college ruled lines
They'll never see it coming down my eyes, I'd Rather make a Poem Cry...
... There is simply not enough space.
A Girl with a story to tell but It's illegal to chop down the trees needed to create the volumes of heartbreak I've endured.
Stories That I Wont Voice...
So i turn Ballpoints into Griots,to pass down stories.
YES, My Pen speaks for me...
I'm Just A Girl....
A Girl who owns a shoulder that they all come running to
A Girl with crooks in her neck from never having one to return the favor so I LEAN ON MY OWN.
A Girl who's heart bleeds blue
for every Amy Winehouse, Billie Holiday, and Mary J, song that she's lived through
... I'm really Just A Girl
Who's had as many shattered dreams and broken hearts as Grandma has had broken Mugs on Kitchen Floors.
My Ten fingers and Ten toes will not suffice in keeping count.

I Appreciate Him ....

2010-01-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

Martin Luther King Jr. has been inspiration to me for over 10 Years. When I was 8 Years old I Stood on top of a Jungle Gym and yelled the words "Free at last, free at last, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, I'm free at last!!!!". When people were learning his "I Have A Dream Speech" I was interested in his "Drum Major" Speech because I have A Dream was a requirement, while I Was interested and didn't do it because I Was Obligated to.

Malcolm X has always had my heart, and at heart I feel like my mind, thoughts, and beliefs Embody all that Malcolm was; however Martin has always had my Ears and above all of that My Respect!

I can honestly say that even though I disagreed with his "Non-Violence" approach at gaining civil rights, he was successful in helping black people gain rights and become alot more active in America. I appreciate him for my voting rights, I appreciate him every time I sit in the front of a bus and can remain there if I choose to, without forfeiting my seat to the first Caucasian passenger that boards and is in need of a seat.

I thank him every time I See Barack Obama addressing the Nation as The 1st Black President Of The United States Of America (Even though I have my differences with some things he does as president).

Thanks for everything Dr. King

Brooklyn Got Talent.

2010-01-05T18:37:00.000-08:00

I Put My heart In This and I Deserve To be here....

This is my new Theme song, I always said when I make it, Imma blast Biggies Juicy, Im playing this song directly after it.

Download: Preme The Prez Ft. Kayla Bliss - I Deserve To Be here.

One of my first interviews was with this next guy. We hardly speak now, but I'm still proud of him and he's definitely doing his thing. P.S. dont think it was easy, he's been doing this for a long time, this guy really struggled.

I'm My Mothers Worst Nightmare...

2010-01-03T23:14:00.001-08:00

She must see something equivalent to my nightmares and bad dreams because I hate to close my eyes at night, the same way she hates to open her eyes and look at me.

I Heard Them Say.....

2009-12-27T22:16:00.000-08:00

They say "Shenda, Sometimes he tests you. Just look at it this way, in the end you can say that you really are a strong black woman. You been through so many messed up situations where people have let you down, disappointed you, disrespected you, lied, cheated, and abused you ... and you never lost your goodness. You're a REAL strong black woman. Not like these other bitches just pretending"

.... I Say nothing. I think, I gotta go through all of this shit just to say im strong? Pretending like these bitches seem more exciting and fun
But I'll never take the easy way out.

Love, A Verb and A Noun

2009-12-24T21:23:00.001-08:00

After 3 failed relationships (attempts at the "L" word), I bought a journal. On a piece of paper in that journal, that I started 3 years ago, there is a page that looks like this...

My New Definition Of Love

Love; Noun, Verb: ________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
...and the blank lines continue all the way down the page.

I put the task of defining the L word off as often as possible, because I don't know what love is. I don't even like saying it most of the time.

However I know that Love is not only a noun describing a person place or thing but its also a Verb, an action word, and I don't want someone who simply wants to be the noun of my life without putting in the verb.

The Pen...

2009-12-02T06:35:00.000-08:00

....and I Knew when My hands wouldn't move, and the paper remained a deafening, blinding white, and empty lines were where words should have been yelling, and screaming from; maybe everything was ok.

I could write, but i couldn't write anymore.

Not like I wanted to. I couldn't capture their hearts because what I did was from the heart, what I did was through my own pain, in hopes to help them with theirs. Now... Im just stuck in the middle of a big ass hurricane; the eye of the storm is always quiet.

To My readers, those who actually enjoy, and read, and love..... I apologize.
I'll be back but I'm enjoying happiness and freedom from emotional distress right now.

Dont worry, because I'm not typing, doesnt mean that I'm not writing anymore. I keep a pen and a wideruled marble notebook on me at all times, jotting down schitzo worthy thoughts.

Im Sorry For Not Reading Your Blog....

2009-11-12T22:24:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen I have had two people make reference to me not reading their blog. I also haven't been posting on my very own. I've been busy getting A's on all my papers and trying to be a social butterfly lol. I have so many things im trying to do as well as keeping up with my on campus organizations and make a name for myself before...

*AHEM* Teems knows this. I'll tell you later Teems

Back to the general audience. Anyway...

Jaycee, I do apologize hun, your blog will definitely be read when I sign on, Sasha, I see the new blog, and I'll be checking in from time to time. Any One else want to hang me for not reading and commenting, dont worry, I'll come through.

BUT LET ME BE CLEAR, if you aren't writing about anything, then I'm not commenting. I don't care about fashion (Unless your Allyson) and I don't care about entertainment news, or entertainers. Just great topics, and great discussions, hell I'll even read a poem or two.... but don't give me nonsense overload.

Back to this paper I'm working on...

Ciao Bella's and Boys!

NAS......

2009-10-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

You know something; there are alot of great Black Artists, but Black fans are always comparing their artists and trying to make an artist and their music less great than it really is. Like Comparing Nas to Hov... WHY? Two Different men, two different types of music, under the same Genre.

You don't hear white people saying "Well you know... Elvis was hot, but Frank Sinatra is better because ...."

We need to let our artist be great and stop ripping them apart on shows, in blogs, and on the radio. It's usually only Black Owned Blogs, and Black Bloggers who disrespect black artist.

That's Like comparing Nicki Minaj to Lil' Kim, why cant Nicki be Nicki, and Kim be Kim. Yeah, Kim is a pioneer,a nd a woman who originated her style of rap (because of course we had MC Lite and Queen Latifah before her) and that's why Kim is great (In My Opinion), but let Nicki Minaj be Nicki Minaj.

I named this Nas because I Love Nas, and I Was Listening to The Message when The light bulb moment came about. Y'all know how random I am.

Roxanne Shante Is A Liar

2009-10-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

A while back I happily posted a story about Roxanne Shante' and her apparent victory over the music industry. She claimed that she had recieved her PhD in psychology from cornell university after Warner music had put a clause in her contract in which they were forced to honor by the courts. Well; she lied. Isn't that something?

Im clearly disappointed in her especially because her story was obviously a rags to riches victory over "the man" type story. Anyway according to an article on Slate's website:

According to Warner, neither it nor any of its subsidiary record labels ever had a contract with Shanté, and it was not obligated to pay for her education. Indeed, there's no evidence that it ever did.
Shanté—real name Lolita Shanté Gooden—doesn't have a Ph.D. from Cornell or anywhere else. Indeed, she admitted it in an interview with Slate. And Cornell has no record of Gooden (or "Shanté") ever attending or receiving a degree.
According to Marymount Manhattan College records, Shanté enrolled there but dropped out less than four months later without ever earning a degree.
New York state records indicate that no one named Lolita Gooden or Roxanne Shanté is licensed to practice psychology or any related field.

Im obviously disappointed, Roxanne Shante eventually released an 'apology' in which she says:

I would like to thank my long time fans and supporters for your continued support. I am humbled and grateful to all of you for that. Without going into all of the details as of right now, I would like to apologize that this story regarding my post recording career has caused such a ruckus. The entire story will be revealed at a later time.

Thats interesting, she's not even aknowledging that she lied. I won't even bother looking for her story to be revealed later on because she lied and its been proven.

How You Doin?

2009-10-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'll be back. I have stuff in my drafts that I Need to finish. I'm talking about life, healthcare, and .... A Bunch of other stuff. My Lifee is in turmoil... Lol

Later!!

Roll It Up, Light It Up, Smoke It Up

2009-09-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

Schizophrenic Brooklynite and Greeks Dont Mix

2009-09-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT to disrespect any people affiliated with any Greek sororities and Fraternities. I'm expressing my feelings and showing you my experiences while away at college. An HBCU to be exact.

INCIDENT 1

The other day we had a mixer outside, I believe it was being held by the Alpha's and they were strolling, and stepping. It looked almost like a probate, but it wasn't. A young lady who was an AKA pushed me, so that she could see what was going on.

If you knew/know me, you'd know that the bitch didn't have to push me, all she had to do was ask say "excuse me". I could care less about watching them "stomp the yard". I can watch the movie and see that sexy brown skin bald head guy from the movie for all of that. So me being the schizophrenic Brooklynite that I am hit her with the "Excuse me" insert mad attitude as you say/read that. She turns around and someone says "Girl you better chill, she's an AKA"

*Insert Eye roll and "I don't give a *expletive*" here*

INCIDENT 2

A young lady was allegedly hospitalized after an object was flung into her face by a member of Delta Sigma Theta. Instead of people criticizing the delta's for their actions they crucified the young girl who eventually told about the hazing. They said things like "Th bitch wasn't cut out for it, she shoulda kept her mouth closed". Really?
I mean, theirs no sympathy for the girl who was hospitalized? or the other girl who told what was going on and had to change her school because they wouldn't leave her alone?

They're just lucky it wasn't me, or someone else like me, because I would have gotten my hands on a licensed gun and defended myself.

Most Greeks would label me a hater, or something else simply because I'm not affiliated, yet I will speak against them and some of their unruly actions. The joke is on them. I never actually took the steps necessary to actually join them. Me being from New York, where your Greek organization doesn't mean more than the next chicks Blood affiliation, it just so happens that joining a sorority no longer means shit to me, especially after I've seen the damage they do to people considered outsiders. The way people idolize and praise them disgusts me. I don't see you in church (only for those who deem themselves to be religious people), reading the Bible, or praising God, yet you know every AKA by name, and her whole life story, what state she's from and who her boyfriend is. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?

I still have respect for the Delta's on ASU's campus even though that horrible incident took place, because I've witnessed them do alot of community service IN THE COMMUNITY. When I say 'in the community', I mean in Montgomery. Not simply doing things abroad to make themselves look good and get recognized. .

However, alot of the other Greek organizations seem to simply just BE there. I don't see them doing much of anything besides wearing their Blues, yellows, pinks, greens, and purples. (I have seen the brothers of Alpha Phi Alpha partake in alot of awareness programs on campus, I commend them for that so they can be excluded from that list of people who hardly do anything)

I'm tired of dealing with their gang mentality. What in that girls correct, sane mind would let her think that she could push me out the way, to see her "Brothers" step and I would be OK with that?

Greeks and Gangs?

many people say that Greeks can't be compared to gangs, because - of course Greeks don't go around engaging in criminal activity .....or do they? I believe their initiation practices are very criminal and can be compared to those of Bloods, Crips, and Latin Kings. Hazing is criminal, illegal, and against Greek letter organization policy. On ASU's campus, if you mess with one Q-Dog, you mess with them all, and PLEASE, don't even attempt to speak out against these people and the things that you dislike about them. You might be in danger of getting bullied, or run the chance of having to physically defend yourself against them. I'm a Brooklynite, and Schizophrenic is in front of that title. I was crazy before I was a brooklynite (Which means I was thinking crazy thoughts before my mother let the doctors cut me out. See, I didn't even want anything to do with the coochie, they had to cut me out the belly, or my mother would still be pregnant today) so I'm not afraid of anything, especially not people.

I think that the Greek Organizations on ASU's Campus need new direction and leadership. They need to actually do what they are supposed to do; like, empower women, and emancipate the minds of young men. They need to be a "sista" and "brotha" to all men and women, not just their sorors and Frat brothers. Its time that they serve the community and give back to the people who actually invest in their existence and support them no matter what controversy they are being accused of (like the beating, and hospitalization of a young lady while being hazed last semester who was a Delta pledge). O

Death To Barbie.

2009-09-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

In December 2005 Dr. Agnes Nairn at the University of Bath in England published research suggesting that girls often go through a stage where they hate their Barbie dolls and subject them to a range of punishments, including decapitation and placing the doll in a microwave oven. Dr. Nairn said: "It's as though disavowing Barbie is a rite of passage and a rejection of their past."

I remember the first time I decapitated my very own Barbie Doll. She had on a red mini skirt and a white tube top. I knew right then and there that I had to rid myself of this destructive love/hate relationship that me and Barbie had developed over the years. I was first introduced to her associate - Christie. Christie looked nothing like me even though I had brown skin and long hair just like her. She was 5'9; I was standing tall at a breathtaking... 4 feet and 11 inches (Though, I would proudly add 1/2 an inch if my uncles asked). I could only pray to Baby Jesus that I would ever manage to sprout up to 5 feet 9 inches. Sad to say that I'm a 20-some-odd year old woman today, and I'm only 5'2. She was 110 Pounds, and I was 90 lbs, but I was young. So that 90 Lbs in 'Grown Up Life' was more like 146 Lbs. I was fat according to the makers at Mattel. I ripped her head off, and I felt emancipated. I ripped her left Limb off, I felt a sense of solidarity. I pulled her apart; piece by piece, limb by skinny little pale limb - until there was nothing left but her size 1 waist attached to the rest of her midsection.

I Could live with just that part being leftover. I packed her mutilated body parts into a plastic bag that read "Thank You" on the front. The kind that you might get from the corner store, or the Spanish bodega. Thank You. "Your welcome, anytime" I told myself, because I had done myself a favor of not getting caught up in the hype of becoming ....a Barbie doll. I would grow up and think for myself. I wouldn't wear high heels, and I would die before I wore a mini skirt and a Tube top. I would never allow Ken to feel me up while we played 'house', and I would never reduce myself to the type of woman that would actually consider "Playing House". No, I needed a real man, and Barbie came with kids, and a Ken doll, but Ken didn't come with a marriage License. "Nope, not Me"; I told myself as I tied the bag into a knot. I walked to my grandmother and declared "I'm OVER Barbie dolls. This Christmas get me something a little more mature, like a Tamagotchi, Maybe?".

I smiled proudly as I trooped off to the depths of the kitchen to rid myself of her. I took one last look at her as I dropped her into the trash can.

"You did the right thing" I told myself. I knew I would never be able to live up to Barbie's standards of perfection, I could never afford the townhouse on Malibu, or the car she came with on Christmas day of 1994. I would never have a conglomerate of perfectly structured friends. Ken, was superficial, and he was stiff - Not my type. Christie was an "Oreo". Black on the outside with a milk colored, cream soul. No black girl had white features, unless they were born to a white parent. What About Me? The Black girl, with black features. Death To You Barbie, and your friend Christie Can get It Too! She doesn't represent me, nor does she scare me! She's merely the token black girl.

THE RETURN OF BARBIE

One fine day I was flipping through this sitcom I call Myspace. I see an update: "Bad Bitch Barbie". My ex friend, turned enemy has returned; now declaring herself a "bitch". I ignore her update, because obviously she has changed alot, and not for the better. I mean,... she labeled herself a BITCH for Heaven's sake! 'She must be going through it', I think to myself. I proceed on my daily adventures in the spaces of mines. On my journey I notice that she has also been spotted on another page. The title reads "Pink barbie", I get upset at this sighting. She's invading my privacy; she's in MY Space now. I curse her and continue on to delete her. Then, there's a new breed of barbie; "Harajuku Barbie". I guess that's the Asian Bitch, next up is "Black Barbie". Oh no, the return of Christie Perhaps? No, that's not Christie, that girl looks like an actual African American. Barbie has an army of girls misrepresenting her, thats the only conclusion I could think of. I don't know whether to be upset, or happy to see that these girls have decided to take their imperfections and label them under the Tab that reads "Perfect". Is this a statement saying that "Anyone can be a barbie. whether they be a size 1 or a size 18, black with dark skin, or black with lighter complexions.

I smile, until I realize that they have altered their faces, and painted over their identities with the help of MAC and Maybeline who should be hauled off to the supreme court for Aiding in Identity Theft. Barbie is back, and detrimental to society. My crusade against her was simply a personal vendetta that had been settled between me and her. I had won the battle, but the war hadn't even begun. So, Barbie; I DE-CLARE WAR... is the game that I'll teach my children. They'll stick to Monopoly and Toni Morrison Novels. I Pledge allegiance, and take a vow to keep them away from your message of self hatred. My unborn daughters will never kneel at your shrine, or hope to be like you - or worse; hope to actually BE you. Barbie, you're still dead to me, old friend.

Pecola Breedlove, This one is for you baby.

Why Dont Women Get along?

2009-09-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

Where they do that at? ... Twitter.

Because I'd like to believe that the rest of the people who engage in certain trending topics on twitter are beneath me, I'll relieve some of the tension here, VIA my blog, instead of trying to enlighten those retarded individuals on twitter.

Ladies, since you're my core audience here, Have you ever made this statement "I dont mess with that many chicks"?

Well, why don't you?

First there was the darkskin vs. lightskin beef between women, and some men (who clearly have feminine traits) engaged in that idiocracy, but now I'm sitting in front of my computer and I can't believe the public displays of bitchie-ness and rampant spread of ignorance being shown throughout twitter.

It's rediculous that females flat out don't get along with each other and refuse to even associate with other women. If I had a dollar for every female who has said "I don't mess with females like that, they talk too much, I don't get along with them" I think I would honestly have a dollar amount equivalent to the number of heterosexual females in America.

Women; like African Americans, will never be viewed in a positive light until they stop proving stereotypes about us to be correct.

What ever happened to woman empowerment?

Black people blame Willie Lynch, but women, who do we blame for our childish actions? Why can't we get along?

If your a female who has the ideology and belief that association with other females is something that you just could never do (or would never do); why? Why do we disrespect each other by belittling each other?

"I Got A Story To Tell" Will Return

2009-09-08T07:22:00.001-07:00

9/oneofthesedays/2009. You guys actually liked those posts, and I actually liked posting them. Here's an OLDER one (A true one).

He said "We can be friends tho", I just looked at him and whispered in my head "Your not gonna cry, your not gonna cry,this bastard WONT see you cry". I smiled, turned and walked away; up the stairs and to the end of the J train's platform. I had my back to him, but I could hear him calling my name, but I didnt respond or turn around. I had decided after the word friend, I should deleted him completely from my phone and any other types of communication I would have with him. I deleted him from my head, from my life, NO...I deleted him from my reality. He was no longer a real person. His voice yelling my name out had completely went over my head and vibrated off the walls of the trainstation that seemed so empty.

There were hundreds of people walking through turnstyles, swiping metrocards, boarding trains, smiling, and laughing but im alone. Lonely cold, and wanting to just close my eyes and sleep this feeling off. It was december and I wanted to sleep until April.

My train was coming in.

**DING DONG**
--This IS the Queens Bound J train, This is Broadway Junction Next Stop the train conductors voice seemed to trail off as i left reality and wallowed in my thoughts. I didnt hear the end of what he said, but I was sure it was Alabama Ave. Then the Van Siclen stop. I stepped onto the train, but turned my head just in time to HIM walk up the stairs, his eyes were dodging back and forth to see if I was still on the platform. He couldn't see me. I slowly stepped off the train as he hopped on. "He thought he would catch up with me, but hell no" I thought to myself.

I managed to step off right before the doors closed. I stood on the platform and felt a sense of independence, and accomplishment. I dont know why, but I felt good about giving him the old shake and bake. He wasnt about to be on the same train as me trying to start this "friendship" thing that HE wanted. I watched the train loudly pass by and threw on my headphones, hit shuffle on the iPOD; first song... "I can't see 'em coming down my eyes, so i gotta make the song cry". How appropriate.

I Can Do The Thriller Dance In These

2009-09-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

I Love Chucks

The Devil Wears C. Rousseau

Beauty; I Disagree.

2009-09-04T16:19:00.001-07:00

(Linden Blvd, In East New York, Brooklyn)

As the sun paints on its never ending blue back grounded canvas with beautiful pinks, purples, and oranges as it does every night before it's bedtime, I cringe. Good Night sun, your bed time comes entirely too early. You tuck yourself in for bed and disappear behind the horizon. Beautiful, they say. Beautiful; I disagree,

Because the thought of you evokes fear in little girls who realized that the boogie man was real; since the first day that their daddy tip toed into their bed rooms to burglarize them of their innocence and borrow their hopes with no intention of returning them. He'd replace their dreams with nightmares. They pray for your return and eventually you come back, but you play with the strings to those little girls' hearts. Peek-a-boo, a game they enjoyed as toddlers, they'd rather not play with you. Stay they beg you, until you disappear behind the horizon once again. Your bed time is entirely too early, and your absence is way too long.

Sunset, beauty they see, beauty, I disagree. Sun, you treat us like the New Guy in the NBA, You sleep on us, but Dwight Howard is proof that you shouldn't, because while your sleeping all kinds of things are being missed. Like misplaced mothers on street corners and in crack houses. Misplaced fathers who promised not to work late, and he kept that promise only to cheat on mommy, which means in the years to come I'll be choosing between Christmas at moms and Thanksgiving at Dad's or vice versa. Sunset..... Beautiful, you are not.

You hide, and like roaches in project buildings, the corner boys come out. They roll blunts, beginners at origami, they only learned one shape, and perfected 4 moves. "Open, empty, fold, roll". I see more art in their technique then I see in your disappearing acts.

The Sun Sets and Its Beauty they see; Beauty......I Disagree.

Barack Obama Ruined My Life.

2009-09-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

When I hear people say "Barack Obama is an inspiration to this country, now little black children can believe that they can one day be president", I feel like black people have just been slapped/slapped themselves across the face. Do people believe that just because "My president is black" my generation, and the younger generations had a light bulb moment and said to ourselves "Self, you can be great if this nigga can be president"? Obviously, I missed the memo that stated that before Barack Obama was elected president, black children didn't believe that they were capable of doing great things.

Honestly, Barack Obama ruined my life. I didn't study political science to be the SECOND black president. He stole my dreams. I planned to be the first black president and he went and snatched that dream right from under me. I guess I should go ahead and just focus on a lousy Criminal Justice Degree now.

Just so Americans know, I inspired myself to be something great way before he was smoking weed in Harvard hallways. My grandmother instilled in me from day one that I could be the next yellow power ranger, or Zena (Warrior f**king princess). She told me that I could be the next Assatta Shakur (when I was going through that phase), but she encouraged me to want to be greater. So I chose to be the first president of color.

Thanks Alot Barack, You stole this little black girls dream. No one likes to be second, people only remember the first and the last person to do things.

Rap Ethics 101

2009-08-30T00:03:00.000-07:00

Most Hip Hop artists are locked
in contracts where they spit straight pop
instead of liberating minds of little girls who pop... gum
and lock lips with dicks to taste brighter futures that may never come

--Joshua Bennett

Who do we blame?
Brief Intermission: You Maaaaaaddd (I had to do that).

Cam is the King Of Ignorance Lol.

Back To Our regularly Scheduled Program:

Hearing fellatio and pimping hoes, smacking bitches, and riding penis glorified and seeing pictures of hoes adorned with the arms of rappers and glittery shit, dancing to a cool beat makes that shit seem cool, real cool. If I was young and dumb....
Even when I was young, I wasn't dumb, but whatever.

When I was naive I thought gangsta shit was cool. I wanted to be Fifty, well maybe not Fifty, because he got shot way too many times, and bulletproofs are expensive (I checked). I'll settle with the original First Lady Of G-Unit; Scarlet (Yeah I'm Young, when G-Unit first hit the streets of south side I was In Junior High school, I'm in my early twenties now). Yeah, Scarlet was first, and unless you were a G-Unit fan before 'Get Rich Or Die Trying', you wouldn't know that. She rapped about shooting niggas, and getting her goons, way before Remy Ma. Wait, nah, Remy was thugged out on that 'Ante Up' Joint, before Scarlet was on 'Elementary'.

That's not the point, the point is children are gullible, and rappers should take more responsibility for the things they say before they point their fingers at the parents. They're just as much at fault. Yeah Cam, we maaaaad. Your more mad though. I've seen you and your not looking like your old self Killa, You fell off. Imma watch Paid In full Tonight.

Your Really Really Stupid

2009-08-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

Recently I haven't posted alot of meaningless posts about whats going on I'm my daily life. "Today I Saw a monkey at the zoo, I Love Monkeys, Later Guys" Type posts annoy me. However, this one will be like that, but not really, because there's a valuable lesson in the end.

So, I have this friend, she's really naive and she's a straight up sucka. She's starting to fall for this guy who seems really nice and he's an angel, he wants to pay to fix her tires (which she just swooned over), he's the perfect gentleman and...Oh did I mention he's fucking MARRIED!!?!!

She doesn't understand that he's not really a good guy. I'm currently on the phone trying to explain to her that any man who gets married and then claims that he's ready for a divorce 6 weeks after the marriage, but still hasn't filed divorce papers isn't a good guy. I'm also trying to explain that there's no way that a guy who's married to a woman, would have had her over his house last night and had sex with her if he was really "Done with her, doesn't want anything to do with her anymore". He's not a good guy.

She insists everything he's doing is the girls fault and he did something to the girl to make them seperate (Though they still have sex from time to time). I'm not trying to discredit that notion, it may be true, but he's still married and nothing, but a divorce can change that.

I'm trying to make her understand that he's trying to turn her into the sideline hoe. The Hoe on the side. The one he freaks off with, but doesn't care about.

She insists that she's his "rebound" (Looks rebound up in the urban dictionary)

REBOUND GIRL: (n); A girl to fall back on for guys who just got dumped.

Dumped which implies that the relationship/marriage is over. OVER. FINISHED. COMPLETE. NO DAMN MORE.

Dumb Trick. I'm not explaining this to her anymore. I'm going to let her be his "rebound" aka SIDE LINE HOE!

MORAL OF THE STORY: stay away from trifling men who say they are going to get a divorce but they aren't. Especially stay away from them if they are talking about a divorce 2 months after they were married (A serious indicator that somethings wrong). Ladies, Please, Don't feel good that he chose you to cheat on, because in reality he chose you to have sex with and dispose of. Oh and don't be a dumb slut and have sex with, "date", or (Lol at this one) become "Just friends"* with a married man.

*Just friends in his language means Sex buddies, yeah, he's trying to do you, screw you, put his penis all through you*

Class Is Dismissed.

The Projects

2009-08-26T15:59:00.003-07:00

I remember the first day we were introduced. A Warm Brooklyn day. You lent me shade as you towered over me and reached for the sky in 97 degree weather. In my heart I knew; standing right there at 3ft 4 inches that you knew GOD personally. As high as your nonexistent hands reached past the skies painted with purples and pinks as the sun set on the horizon, you shook hands with God, waved hello to Jesus and beat boxed for cyphers including Biggie, Tupac, Big L, and Pun. You pulled blessings from the sky and shared it with the less fortunate.

You knew everything, you had eyes behind your head at the base of your feet, and all over your chest. You never missed a beat. Though they abused you constantly; throwing trash at you daily and left your body branded with curse words graffiti pictures and filth YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL. Maybe only a Schizophrenic Brooklynite could understand your beauty even with desecrated insides.

We grew older and you stood strong but they labeled you weak. Surgeons reconstructed your outside but your inside remained the same. You still housed a heart, and you held me there. You lent heat when I needed it, you opened your eyes so we could see past our Brooklyn neighborhood. You taught us to LOOK DOWN on houses and their occupants as they looked down on you and us. You never discriminated against those you'd support. You showed hustlers love, gave addicts a place to shoot up and you even made room for prostitutes. You gave Christians a personal place to pray, children somewhere to grow, and artists a place to etch words into paper creating beauty.

You Are Beautiful though they don't see it.

Brooklyn...

2009-08-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

Scraped knees
Fist fights
Shoot Outs
Car Radios Blazing the likes of Biggie & Hova (Brooklyn's Finest).
Brownstones
Junkies
Hustlers
Broken Hearts
Artists are Born
Poets are born
Criminals Are Born
Brothers Die On Cold Grey Pavement
Sisters Die
Cousins are murdered
Project Buildings
Bodegas
Different Languages
Curry Chicken
Rice and Peas
Cold Winters
Warm Summers
Timberland Boots
Chinese Restaurants
"Yooo"
"Nigga You Wildin'"
Block Parties
Train Tracks
Jamaicans
Puertoricans
Dominicans
Haitians
Trinidadians
Park Benches
Gunshots
House Parties
Albee Square
Empire Skating Rink
Vinnies
Astroland
Cyclone
Himalaya
Pastor Mason Betha Preaching at CCC church on Flatlands
Your Projects
My projects
Pink Houses
Linden Houses
Cypress Houses
Breuklen Houses
Fort Greene Houses
Boys and Girls
Canarsie
Lane
Murrow
Maxwell
Brooklyn Tech
Fridays At The Movie Theatre (Linden Multiplex)
Fresh Easter Sundays In Coney Island
Brooklyn Circus
First Kisses
First Break Ups
Children Crying
The J train A Train L Train (Broadway Junction)
Children Laughing
Children Cursing
Quarter Waters (25 cent Juices) Spilled On Flatbush Sidewalks
Dominican Hair Salons
Incense Stands

Brooklyn, You are AMAZING!

Roxanne Shante's Real Revenge.

2009-08-23T11:56:00.001-07:00

On her way to do her Laundry; 14 year old Lolita Gooden was stopped by a guy from around her way who also lived in Queens bridge Projects in the building directly across from her. He was known to the hip hop community as Marley Marl. He told her that he had heard that she could spit rhymes and she replied "Yeah I can, but i got to do this laundry before my mother goes crazy on me". He told her it would only take a second. She walked into his Queens bridge apartment which was set up like a studio and as soon as she heard the beat to UTFO's Roxanne Roxanne she began rhyming. Amazed; Marley Marl gave the tape to DJ Mr Magic who played it for the masses on the radio.

Roxanne Shante' was nothing to mess with bursting out of the gate with a song directed towards UTFO entitled "Roxanne's Revenge". The song was a diss song that rattled the members of UTFO, who had originally made a song entitled "Roxanne Roxanne". Little Roxanne Shante had recorded some dope lyrics over their beat selling 250,000 copies; more then they were selling for their own record. The diss eventually put her on the map. I could go into depth about the Roxanne Battles, but that's not what this post is about. Of course Roxanne was a pioneer leaving her arch enemy, The Real Roxanne to eat her dust and left a trail of emcees who she had verbally slaughtered on her way to the top, but that journey to the top was not easy in an industry of sharks and leeches.

Roxanne Shante didn't get the money that she was owed in royalty checks by her record company for the 250,000 units moved for the "Roxanne's Revenge" track and wasn't paid for most of her other work. By her second album she realized that there was alot of lies being told, and cheating going on around her. Roxanne eventually put the microphone down and decided to pick up a pen and some paper for other reasons; she decided to go to school and educate herself and ultimately become a psychologist. Roxanne Shante was a teen aged, single mother (she had her child when she first came into the rap community at 14 years old) who had hailed from the projects (Queens Bridge) and had no money, because her record company wasn't paying her what she was owed.

Roxanne Shante had enrolled in school after reading a clause in her first music industry contract with Warner Music Company which stated that the record company would pay for her education for the REST OF HER LIFE. Roxanne didn't fight for the royalty checks, but she was damn sure about to make Warner Music pony up the money they had promised her for her education. Getting the money was like pulling the teeth of the executives over at Warner Music. They tried to make excuses and dance around the fact that they had included that clause in her contract.

Eventually, like she did in her rap battles against many talented MCs, Shante had prevailed and was granted $217,000 eventually graduating with her PH.D in psychology from Cornell University.

Dr. Shante now owns her own Psychology firm. Her work is aimed at the African American urban community who she says stigmatized therapy because they thought that it would label them as 'crazy'.

Ladies, as well as gentlemen trying to gain entry in the hip hop music business (Key word being business) need to take notes and pay attention to their contracts like she did. Though she triumphed, there are alot of young people who are on the radio now, or who WERE once on the radio who were not being treated fairly. Get them contracts checked.

"I told Dean Grecco that either I'm going to go here (college) or go to the streets, so I need your help".
--Roxanne Shante

(Hell yeah I wrote this no copy and paste)

Size Matters....

2009-08-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

Ha Ha!

Rainbows Only Come After The Rain.

2009-08-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

..and all the newspaper said, was another nigga dead, and its fucked up
--Fabolous.

Sometimes I wish that I could go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.

The longer I've been here, the more my beliefs disintegrated into myths. The more I knew about life, the more I've cried. The more I tried to believe, the more i was disappointed and hurt.

I just want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.

I never wanted to write letters addressed to heaven so that my slain brother could read them. Explaining how upset I was at God for taking him from this earth earlier than I had planned for him to leave. Never thought I'd play a 1 on 1 ball-game while waiting for my best friend to come play against me. The sun fell. The dark intruded on our unplayed game, and he never came. I'm still waiting to this day, but until he comes to get me I'll play 1 on 1 with his ghost. I never thought I'd have to place flowers on grasses new growth which grew from the earths bald headed surface where a classmate was placed under, buried under, lying dead....under. My tears watering your resting place.

I never thought the number of lost YOUNG souls from my neighborhood would rise higher than the waters of New Orleans. Puddles of Crimson and a sea of brown skin.

They were martyrs for my education. You died so that I could learn, so that I could know, so that I could understand and remember to..... Believe in nothing, and open my eyes and pay attention until I knew everything.

Because, fairy tales are non existent and pony's are real, but they don't possess a single long horn, and that rainbows only come AFTER the rain. How Ironic......Rainbows only come After the rain. No matter how beautiful that rainbow is, look at it and remember that it only comes AFTER the rain.....

New York City's Death toll rises and the more obituaries I see the more I notice a trend, the youth are going before the elderly grandparents are outliving their children's children. We need to speak up when its at the hands of those sworn in with hands on bibles to protect us. We need to speak out when these deaths are at the hands of people whose hands are the same color as our own.

For Every Girl Who Will Never Be THAT GIRL

2009-08-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

If she's not talking about Jason, I dont know who she could possibly be talking about.

I posted this on twitter, but I know alot of my followers on Blogger, refuse to make a twitter account.

"But my vagina is not your Walk-through closet, You wanna stuff your unmentionables through me, want a place to hang up your insecurities"

Dirty Money, Dirtier Politics.

2009-08-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I remember holding a 5 dollar bill between my lips so that I could pull my falling pants up and my grandmother yelling at the top of her lungs "If You don't get that shit out of your mouth, you don't know where that money has been. Money is probably the dirtiest thing in the world because everybody touches it, drops it on the floor, hide it in places, probably wiped they ass with it. You never know their are some weird people in this crazy world"

I thought about it, and never put another bill, or coin near my face.

Just read an article on CNN stating that 90 percent of U.S. bills have traces of cocaine on them.

That's funny......

Here are the percentages for other cities around the world

Bills turned up positive for cocaine in these percentages in certain cities:
100 percent: Detroit, Michigan; Boston, Massachusetts; Orlando, Florida; Miami, Florida; Los Angeles, California

88 percent: Toronto, Canada

77 percent: Salt Lake City, Utah

75 percent: Brasilia, Brazil

20 percent: Tokyo, Japan; Beijing, China

0 percent: Zhuzhou, China

Really? 20 percent in these other countries where drugs actually COME FROM? Yet, 100% of the money floating throughout Detroit is contaminated with drug residue? (Not to mention an Asian man did this study....Hmm) I wont say he's lying but that sure is suspicious; the fact that NO Asian countries have REALLY high numbers.

They can fix economic problems, come up with a stimulus
But cant stop these cops from Killing us.
Get a black man in office and they still ain't feeling us
still cant be real with us
and they say racism is over but there's still white kids who cant chill wit' us.
----- Shenda.

You Live By The Blog, You Die By The Blog.

2009-08-13T19:35:00.000-07:00

Got Beef?

The internet has gone crazy with twitter, facebook,and youtube; a craze that began with the myspace phenomena. I don't know when celebrities realized that the internet was a great way of promoting their own work; free of charge, as well as interacting with their fans (as well as their 'haters'), but they have recently took it upon themselves to flood social networking sites, create profiles and update daily. Some have even engaged in vlogging. For example.....Joe BuddenTV with TahiryTV (Whose not a celebrity no matter how much you disagree with me) on the way.

When these well known people take it upon themselves to grab a camera and make a self made video, there are no longer public relations people or managers around to tell them that what they're doing, saying, or promoting is inappropriate. The absence of those important people in that celebrities career lead celebrities to do stuff that could ultimately get them laughed at, on a gossip site, or ....punched in the face. When you get rid of the people behind the scenes these celebrities are normal everyday people who just happen to be popular. Some people like the interaction available between them and their favorite rapper or singer that twitter and youtube offer, however, once that person gets online and begins doing what I like to call "Regular Nigga Shit" consequences are sure to follow.

One of the people who has taken it to the net and caused alot of controversy with his antics numerous times which has not only gotten him punched in the face but has also gotten a friend of his punched in the face in front of his home would be Joe Budden. The Raekwon Incident was actually started when Joe Budden says some disrespectful stuff towards some rappers, which sparked words between him and Method Man (You do the 6 degrees of separation and figure out how Raekwon got into this)

YES! The Raekwon incident was not the first time that Joe Budden ruffled feathers in the rap community. In this video here Ransom goes to look for Joe Budden after Joe Budden provokes him VIA Youtube, then Youtubed a trip to Ransoms block. Though Ransom didn't slap Joe Budden, he did slap Joeys best friend and then BOOM! Just like that Joe Budden wants it to be over??? *sigh*

However Raekwon, who openly says that he doesn't want to Square Dance with him, is a pussy?

When squashing the beef with Ransom he doesn't believe that fighting because of a beef that he started, that ultimately got his friend smacked out side his house, his girl called a smut, bitch, and got her outed for fucking a famous rapper; Fabolous, its nonsense?

I personally like (some of what he's doing, I don't buy his albums and I probable wont as long as illegal downloading is around, but I like his music as well. However, the beefing and squashing beef with people who will (In the words of Jim Jones) Smack your kufi off has to stop. All the altercations that you initiate with JoeBuddenTV is getting old, All the "Regular Nigga Shit" you engage in on the internet needs to cease and desist; ultimately it's going to get you ....(Cough, Ahem) Fucked up, or worse......shot.

You Live By The Blog, You Die By The Blog, and the ransom incident, and the Raekwon incident is proof of that. So the moral of this story is, be careful what you say on these blogs if your not ready to get punched in your face. People getting hit, people getting beat up and sued and fired from their jobs because of stuff they're posting on twitter. SMH. Dont Believe me? Ask Perez Hilton, who recently got punched in the face for some obscene remarks he's made about Fergie of black eyed Peas.

Sasha Aint This Fierce.

2009-08-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

The red ones are hot,

but the pink ones are hotter.

Gloves by Dominic Jones

"Shut The Fuck Up" 1:30

2009-08-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

At 1 minute and 30 seconds, someone decides to tell Kanye to shut the fuck up. They may have been talking to a random person in the crowd, or maybe even their loud mouthed girlfriend. I would like to think they were talking to him though.

Im mad Kanye went off like this? What was he drinking/thinking? LMAO I laughed the whole way through

"This is what you wanted right? Dance Nigga Dance"
-LMFAO, Yuuuhhhhh. LMAO.

"Everybody who bought water bottles feeling dumb as shit"
-What? No nigga i actually like my poland spring.

"Who doesn't think its illegal? TMZ, and i have to pay 100,000 dollars to the photographer that said i hurt his arm. But i was just tryna break your fucking camera, I wasn't tryna do you no harm. Dude, I'm not trying to stop you from getting paid AT ALL. But i feel the pictures you take are trying to make the icons fall. Cause there was a point when my father was a photographer in Atlanta you used to have to know how to work a dark room to take pictures, you used to have your flash expose at the right settings, now with automatic cameras anybody can get in, and stand out front of the mercer, and whats worsER when you be walking THAT WAY, they say HEY KANYE, like they a fan and (weird noises) money money money is their plan and if i snap i am less of a man, and here is something you cant understand, that i will just kill a man"

It's safe to say that after they finish shooting the "We run this town" video, Jay Rih Rih, and Amber need to have the intervention show bust in his room. Not for drugs, he needs emotional help/

AWI = Attention whoring while intoxicated. SMH I love kanye but he's hurting, somethings wrong with him, I love him, but he needs some serious healing. Some serious Jesus time. Some HELP!

Camera men please back the fuck off

I Just Want to Sell Drugs

2009-08-06T16:59:00.001-07:00

Am I the only college student feeling this way and actually really thinking and contemplating this? The strip club is out of the question, I love my self and I want to own a house one day and walk around clothes-less, however in front of strangers; thats a no go!

My next door neighbor said prostitute and I looked at her like she was on Crack, Heroine, LSD, Easy Jesus (E&J) and every intoxicating substance created.

I just want to be able to pay my tuition, not owe this janky government anything (Even though as long as i Owe them they'll never go broke, because I sure owe them.) and make some money, be rich and buy expensive clothes, and shoes.

Joystick Madness

2009-08-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago I gave a VERY talented dude one of his first interviews. A humble, nonchalant dude, who called himself wordspit; who rocked doobies (NY slang for a wrap) that even I, myself was envious of. I still to this day would like to take a trip to the hair salon and get my hair done with him while we chat about Brooklyn Hip Hop royalty such as the Notorious One and Thee God (Biggie and Jay). You can say whatever you want, and throw whatever jabs you'd like at him about his very unique style but you can NOT deny his talent.
I believe in the kid, his talent, and what he's doing. I'm obviously not the only one who enjoys his music because he's graced websites such as Two Dope boyz, XXLmag.com as well as numerous other blogs. SO I urge you to take a listen to his new joint off of his upcoming mixtape entitled "The coolest B-Boi Stance". I haven't listened to it yet (Due to technical difficulties AKA my Laptop hasn't been feeling well) but there's no doubt in my mind that he lives up to his moniker "Wordspit, The Illest".

"Its Not a Joke This Year" - Wordspit

Download:Joystick Madness - Wordspit

Be looking for Coolest B-Boi Stance dropping across the Internet and HERE on August 24th.

When Mosquitos Attack.

2009-08-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

OK So The other day I Killed a Mosquito, and I honestly think that his family friends and fellow Gang members are attempting to get payback.

I would call a truce, and never kill again, however, I think I might have taken it to a level where i cant even Apologize to them. They are clearly not trying to hear it. I feel that way because I count over 10 mosquito bites that have occurred over the span of 1 week.

SMH. Its all good. They keep playing I'm fighting dirty, with the Raid and the OFF!

Thats right, pulling out the big guns.

BLOW UP: Like The World Trade

2009-07-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

"Now Im in the Limelight, Cause My Rhymes Tight Its Time to get Paid BLOW UP LIKE THE WORLD TRADE"

It says something about Flying to New York VIA Pakistan International. Thats Offensive.

Cookie Monster VS. The Twin Towers

An AD saying that if they used asbestos the twin towers wouldn't have burned down.
That sounds like a Lose/Lose situation.

Defaced Property: Helen Levitt Street Photography.

2009-07-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is no disrespect to whoever your hero may be under the large umbrella of street photographers. I respect and acknowledge Henri Cartier-Bresson, Alfred Eisenstaedt, and Garry Winogrand (Who dedicated a project to women; entitled "Women are Beautiful"), and all of their work. However, I want to push Helen Levitt (A female photographer) to the fore front and display some of my favorite pieces by her.

Street photography is more like secretly intruding in people's lives; capturing some of their most publicly private moments. Moments, such as playing with friends, walking down a street, tying your shoe laces, or even staring out of the window of your apartment are captured on film. Helen Levitt is like an O.G. of street photography and one if my favorites because she took most of her pictures right here in NYC. Instead of going in depth on her work, and rambling on about how amazing I think she is, I'll let her work speak for her.

Yeah he popped the mess out of that little boy

LMAO. This is my favorite because it helps to validate my notion that all children are evil and bad.

In The Words Of Biggie Smalls....

2009-07-24T10:28:00.001-07:00

..."Playaaa Haterrrr,....(skip) You've Been Robbed"

Yeah, So I hope he's not going out like that. I definitely say go back to court because over 100,000 Bucks in Child support and legal fees is just BANANAS!

Her Milkshake couldn't have possibly been worth that much. I dont care who it brought to the yard.

Every One's A Fashionista

2009-07-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

... But Dont know shit about fashion, and thinks forever 21 is where its at, and talk shit about REAL designers who design for Target and H&M.

Everyones a Hip Hop Head, But Don't know the history and cant name 5 underground artists.

Everyones a "Bad Bitch" but cant hold a candle to alot of regular chicks.

Everyones "different" but looks like the rest of the people walking down the street. Then make fun of the real different people who dare to do what they do.

Everyones a 80's baby, but dont know shit about the supreme team or what a 5 percenter is.

ANYWAY.

I'll be free soon. My family from N.C. came up here, annoyed the hell out of me, wrecked my house and then left. I feel like i was kidnapped from my real family and placed with weirdo's, Not including my grandmother.

Yeah, I Perm My Hair.

2009-07-15T12:36:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way trying to disrespect, or mock people who are affiliated with the nation of Islam or hold the same views and beliefs of the Nation Of Islam. This is in no way an approach at being offensive to those who actually have natural hair.

So I've been reading Malcolm X and I'm the type of person who, once introduced to a topic; I must thoroughly explore and educate myself on it. So I googled, read books and watched videos that all pertained to the nation of Islam and their beliefs. I Just had to ask this question: 'Why do all pro-black or political and/or non political groups really into black empowerment claim that ALL black people who do not contribute to or join their campaigns, or believe in their beliefs are Uncle Toms'? Especially little things like perming my hair?

WHY do they believe that they actually have an answer for EVERYTHING?

...And has it ever occurred to them that the reason I perm my hair is because it makes it more manageable? NOT because I hate myself.

I personally could NEVER EVER manage my hair if it was all natural. I perm my hair, and I'M PROUD!

The Dr. Works Miracles to Keep My hair Dark & Lovely and If you don't like My Cream Of Natured Mane It doesn't matter to me because I Do what I Do JUST FOR ME!

In no way shape or form is my decision to keep my hair straight due to self hatred. I LOVE myself entirely too much to hate myself. In all honestly, I probably identify with my black people, and want to empower them more than some of the people who are the head of these pro-black organizations. If I hated being a 'Negro' or a 'black woman' Assatta Shakur wouldn't be my hero, and I wouldn't idolize the black panthers. I also would have NEVER agreed to, or Chosen to attend a Historically Black college, so that I could contribute my money to them in the form of Tuition and Book fees.

I could care less whether a black man (or woman) disliked my straight hair, just like I could care less whether a white man hated my black skin. I could care less, however; you will NOT talk to me how you please because of EITHER of those things and you will not treat me in an ill manner or disrespect me because of either of the two.

I also applaud any man, woman, or child who decides to sport a natural hairstyle. I just personally can not deal with it for the simple fact that when it comes to my own thick mane of hair I'm lazy. With a perm you can wrap it up for bed, and unwrap it in the morning. No grooming and picking through. I'm a true child of the microwave era and I tend to wake up an hour before I have to be somewhere and take about 30 minutes in the shower. I have no time to do my hair.

How can you honestly think that you are empowering black people with your 'truth' by making them feel degraded, and at times even shaming them into believing what you believe to be truth? I don't mean that in a disrespectful manner, however; you want to talk down on me for my decisions and call me the white mans slave and an Uncle Tom while also telling me that joining forces with you can change that?
I don't think so.

*Takes a Breath*

So with that being said, I will continue to believe in my own beliefs, practice what I choose to practice, and YES, I will continue to use the no Lye relaxer of my choice when i see the new growth peeking through my well oiled scalp.

I Remember You

2009-06-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

Remember NYC tokens, before metrocards?
I sure Do.
I miss the token. Before the Fare was 2 Dollars.
I remember the $1.50 days and the $1.00 days.
I hear it used to be something like 50 cents
The good old days In NYC.

ROSES (An Ode To Nana)

2009-06-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

You know the best medicine go to people thats paid
Magic Johnson Got A Cure for Aids
And All the broke Muh-Fuckers Passed Away
You telling me If My Grandma Was In The NBA
Right Now She'd Be Ok?

They tell me to stop sometimes and just smell the roses.
I can't right now im on the way To a Hospital With Nana For her Chemo Doses.
Watch them put a needle in her arm
watch her head start to nod
They feeding her the devils crack
So I Go to a nurse and i Ask
If Mike Jack
can change the fact
That he started his life as a Black
If Magic can Live through Aids
and Humans can Live through Plagues
And Middle easterners can Fly through Buildings with Airplanes
then hide in caves
and I Think its insane
That you cant Find Osama In A Cave
But look in a Hole and Find Saddam Hussein
How Come My grandmother can't Beat Cancer?
Niggas Dont have that answer
They can fix economic problems, come up with a stimulus
But cant stop these cops from Killing us.
Get a black man in office and they still aint feeling us
still cant be real with us
and they say racism is over but there's still white kids who cant chill wit' us.
So I cant stop and smell no fucking roses
Im On My way with My Grandma To get her Chemo Doses

Only In NYC

2009-06-06T10:36:00.001-07:00

A While back I went to a place called Queens House! which is like a community center for the residents who live in the neighborhood.

There were alot of old people there and they were doing senior citizenly things. A woman walked out of one of the rooms with her Walker. She was Caucasian, possibly Italian or maybe Jewish. She looked at me and my friend and smiled. I have manners so I smiled back and she followed my smile with a statement that almost made me go WTF?, but I wouldn't ever say that to an older person because ....they're old.

She Said: "You People..."
And left it as that for a second; as if she was thinking of what she would say next. So I waited for what I thought would be an inevitable racist remark coming from this old woman. I was wrong because she followed up with "Are the nicest people in the world". Me being "Sista Soulja" as Newnie calls me was stuck on the 'you people' part of her statement. Curious as to what random statement she would make next I just looked at her, confused while she kept talking:

"Your People saved my life. I was in some trouble some years ago when i was about 20 years old (Mind you she's definitely 80, pushing 90) when I used to live in Brownsville Brooklyn and I Almost died when a black woman nursed me back to health and helped me. She saved My Life"

I sat there and thought and almost felt shamed because I realized that living in NY makes you expect the worse from people. And Just Like a New Yorker, .... She amazed me and made me change that mindset. She said she had to go but wished she could share all of the details of her story.

I don't know whyyyyy that story means so much to me, or why I decided to share it, but I've been thinking about that lady since last month when the incident occurred and how amazing her story could have been if she had the time to share it.

PLEASE STOP!!!

2009-06-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

...Because your wasting my time.

RANDOM SCHIZOPHRENIC THOUGHTS

-I have to stop rolling my eyes at unsuspecting citizens....

-I have to stop being the typical black woman and whispering under my breath "I would have whipped his little ass" everytime I see some wild ass child thats not behaving

-MTA ......Fuck You

-2 Dollar fares ....Fuck You

-If more people could keep it real with themselves, they're lives wouldn't be so hectic, they wouldn't have to pretend all the time.

DEFACED PROPERTY: Keith Haring

2009-05-31T16:27:00.000-07:00

So, I once posted some of my favorite (Yet Random) Graffiti pieces and decided to actually talk about an Icon. Keith Haring is probably mostly known for his "Crack Is Wack" Mural (Which is definitely my FAVORITE mural EVER created), which was before my time (1986) but definitely holds a special place in my heart.

Not only was he an amazing artists but he was also a social activist whose work basically spoke volumes about the conditions of New York as well as the city's culture. Keith Haring who was born May 4th 1958 but found out he had contracted AIDS in 1988 and quickly passed away soon-after in 1990.

Ignorance = Fear

Untitled

Glory Hole

Free South Africa

Be Smart Don't Start

Safe Sex

I Plan On Re-Creating this For something. Maybe his birthday, His Death Date Or Something. He inspired me to re-create this but with portraits of myself. THIS IS GONNA BE SO DOPE!

The Rainbow Game (Are You Serious?)

2009-05-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

Children have become more and more sexually active in the past year at earlier ages. They have even started sexually driven games such as the bracelet game. If you remember the bracelet game it was a game where young girls (And sometimes boys depending on what school it was) would wear different color bracelets and each color represented a certain sexual act that had to be performed.

For Example: Black Bracelet = Sex/ Green = Oral sex.

Now there have been reports that children are participating in something called the Rainbow Game. (I've heard of it on AUM's Campus but not ASU).

The Rainbow Game is a game where 1 boy (or some) basically gets head from a group of girls wearing different color lipsticks. The girls are competing to see who can stuff more dick in their mouths i guess. The different color lipsticks leave different colors on the guys penis.

So this is what its come to? I swear im not having kids.

ANYWAY. Speaking to some young people in elementary school i hear it's a myth.

SO NOW I ASK! Are people (Like Oprah) tapping into every parent's worse nightmare and publicizing myths causing already sexually curious children to play games that they may not have even heard of until they saw it on Oprah or 20/20 dateline, or heard their parent ask them about, because Oprah said to talk to your children?

ANYWAY
I was googling "Rainbow Party" and "The Rainbow Game" and it led me to the Urban dictionary. here are some of the entries in the dictionary that are simply hilarious:

Supposedly a party where each girl wheres different shades of lipstick and go to a party and suck guys dicks so the dicks are like rainbows when its over. But really, the stupid bitch Oprah made up the word cause she is a dumbass and hates children..
Oprah: Make sure ur children dont go to rainbow parties.
Parent: whats a rainbow party?
Oprah: something i made up to get your children in trouble for absolutly no reason..
Parent: That sounds pretty mean but since your like a god and all i have to listen to you.
Oprah: i want to eat your babies.

LMAO wait im not done yet:

A word that was made up by Oprah in order to lure parents to be overly cautious for absolutely no reason.
Oprah: "Your daughter is a slut, she goes to rainbow parties, so lock her in a stone cell for the rest of her life, because I'm Oprah and I know everything!"

Seemingly, Oprah has pissed off alot of children.

The thing that causes an outbreak of herpes among the freshman class at Kapaun Mt. Carmel in Wichita.
Those girls, after the rainbow party was finished, noticed small sores on their lips.

This one almost made me choke (Pause....)

"Lisa was the best at the rainbow party--crimson always beats red and blue!"

Lisa Is Clearly The Shit LMAO

Nuh Unn... Sexy Spec Es No Bueno

2009-05-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

OK!.... This is my thoughts through out the whole video

0:15 - Why is this grown ass man whispering into the camera like we having phone sex or something.

0:19 - Lingerie? Like the nigga is named after Womens thongs and stuff?

0:40 - Whyyyyy Did he just yell out a bunch of dudes names then say "Anybody that want it, could get it" ... He's going to be needing to explain his sexual preferences to the masses after this.

1:03 - Did he just back up, with red thongs on ...and Twirl.... Like A Bitch.... Yes, those are victorias secret for men....

1:05 - oh shit.... Nuh Unnnn....

1:15 - Im confused as to what he use that tongue movement for.....

1:30 - This nigga rubbing his self. I cant. Nope....

1:38 - He dead ass serious...just look at his face and how he hold his chest. He for real

1:45 - he rubbing his neck ......(TURNS IT OFF)

This nigga said he not gay? I heard he defended his sexuality....
This Holiday Heart, Too Wong Foo Ass Nigga ...
Have men giving up on women? Is this what its come to
telling other men... you can get it?
Then say it aint beef?
It aint beef bitch, you trying to fuck me... of course it aint beef

You Mad Pussy (BK accent)

2009-05-22T08:34:00.001-07:00

Because your mad subliminal. I guess people have issues with the shit I type here. LOL. Being the Brooklynite That I Am......

"If it's not directed directly towards me I DON'T RESPECT IT"
--Jay-Z

Directions....

Go To Your Blogger Dashboard
Find "Blogs that I Am Following"
Click The "Manage" Button
Scroll down to "Thoughts Of A Schizophrenic Brooklynite"
Click Settings Next To THAT PARTICULAR blog name
A Screen Will Pop Up
On That Screen Click "Unfollow This Site"
A confirmation will pop up
Click "Stop Following"

........Thank You Very Much.

Ducking And Hiding From Black Isrealites.

2009-05-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

You ever see the guys outside dressed like Power Rangers Mystic Force (Ninja) edition? They have on long ~~dresses~~ robes and they try to preach to you about the true religion, and that Jesus was a black man because he had black feet and hair like wool?

Yeah..well every time I go outside one of them decides that I'm the perfect candidate (without even discussing this shit with me) for the religion. So they eventually got my phone number out of me because I ALWAYS wanted to be the Yellow Ranger. They called me and introduced me to the church.....

Then they tell me I have to come with a head scarf and I cant be on my period.

Oh Really? I cant be a WOMAN in church?

Your crazy, I don't believe in head scarves especially when I JUST paid 50 dollars to have Maria perm my hair at the Dominican Hair salon, and sat under that dryer for 2 hours. I also believe in doing whatever the hell it is that I want while I'm on my period....as long as i have Midol (Sometimes Tylenol with Codeine for that extra high, extra cramp free feeling).

I'd prefer NOT being your yellow ranger. Thank You.

Bloggers Annoy Me Part 2

2009-05-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

OK. So I sign on blogger and I'm looking for something to read. Blogging is an art. This is NOT your own personal fuckin' diary. I just thought you should know. Even if it is your own diary, at least let your life be interesting. I hate reading stuff like this:

Today i went to the store and i saw "Jim" he looked cute. I cant believe i broke up with him. Oh and i like this song called "Rock a bye baby".... (just watched new jack city excuse the song title)... and it was good. I think I'll buy that album."

Seriously?
You think we want to read things like that? You think we care?
Where's the creativity, the art of story telling, or the depth, in a post like that?

Anyway, another thing i noticed is that everyone thinks that they are putting out exclusive shit. OH new watch. OH new shirt. OH new jeans. YOU TOOK THAT SHIT FROM ANOTHER WEBSITE AND DID NOT GIVE THEM ANY CREDIT!!!!

If you think I'm talking about you.....9 times out of 10 i am because almost everyone I'm following is doing it.

None of you actually entertain me anymore. I followed you because you followed me first.....(LMAO, nah I'm serious, and alot of y'all know it's true because you do it too)

OH AND ANOTHER THING

If you change your blog's name and your name on blogger at the same time for example:

Thoughts of a Schizophrenic Brooklynite = Life of a thugged out Psycho (LMAO)
Super Woman = Discombobulated Girl (Or some shit)

you need to notify people on who the hell you are because i don't know who half of the people popping up in my updates are. YOU CANT DO THAT! Its Confusing and annoying.

Yeah SO FXKN WHAT if My blog used to be called Life and Times of SHE. I changed it and I'm still Super_Woman.

Gucci Mane Should Sue Your Ass

2009-05-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

Im Sitting down watching this (Well the first 30 or 40 seconds)

...And this dude starts saying yeaaahhhh, yeaaahhhh, and I'm thinking he just jacked a very well known Gucci Mane ...thing (For lack of better words, or knowing wtf to call it). I KNOW I'm not the only one who has heard Gucci Mane Say Yeaaahhh before his song starts.

Anyway so i laugh it off until he says "Mister Swaggerific" and the laughing ceases because thats not funny. Swaggerific is not cute, or funny in no sense of the word. So now I'm like OK he's biting Gucci's style (I try not to use swag anymore) and then he says "Gucci hat, Gucci Belt, Gucci..." something the hell else then i hear him yell "GUCCI" like Gucci Mane does when he's yelling random shit on his songs. I know ....you guys probably cant stand Gucci Mane, there was once a time when i couldn't either. Somewhere between Alabama Summers and Alabama concerts i kinda grew into his stuff (Not completely, and I'm not a fan) Gucci does his own damn thing and that's why i like him.

So Biting his style is ridiculous and it makes you look like more of a crack head than before J Hood. I can't wait until sheek or somebody fucks you up for real.

And why does he have what seems to be teen aged girls in his video? And why does the label say FT Babs. I was Hoodwinked and Bamboozled because:

1) I mixed the names "J Hood" and Jay Millz" up and saw BABZ and thought this should be interesting. Instead i waisted a couple of minutes of my life that i could have been saving babies, or helping old ladies across the street, or getting waisted on Vodka or something.

Fuck That No Bitchassness Campaigne. Im Starting A New One. Stop Biting. Or ...Get Originality. Or how about this T-Shirt

"SOme Of You 'Rappers' Should STOP RAPPING

The Stop Rapping Campaign.......Yeeaaaahhhhhh (Gucci Mane; not Jay Hood Voice)

Dizzy, Millionaire Max, Lyrik Marie

2009-05-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

This Blog posting is basically about a bunch of people who aren't well known and always being talked about on blogs (Some who are but aren't really on the map yet) whom i adore and see talent in.

Dizzy - Dizzy had a blog about sex and relationships. We debated about this the other night (Sorry I Fell Asleep and didnt get the site) and he decided to blog seriously about his frustrations and keep us informed on his come up. Now you can look back and be like "I remember that dude from before he was on BET and MTV".

Read It....

Frustrations Of An Artist

My other Homie Millionaire Max who will be producing your favorite rappers song in the future is also blogging. I like his blog, he keeps us updated on what he's doing, projects, and etc. You gotta love this dude, down to earth, and sarcastic as hell.

Read It....

My Radio Is A Millionaire

My Mother Freakin Sister From Another Mister; Lyrik Marie.
She got a Myspace Buzz and she put all these lying dudes on blast, especially dudes who get caught kissing on some chick on facebook and lying about it (Which gave her the inspiration for one of her songs buzzing the myspace atmosphere).

Read It...

The Misinterpretation Of Lyrik Marie

Anybody else out there hustling VIA blogger?? Let me know because im always looking for new talent because lets face it the future of entertainment is ours. Time for all the writers, singers, rappers, and beat makers of the future to support each other. If we did, we could be something epic.

P.S. he says he doesnt want anyone else to tell him how great he is but since we're "Really good friends" (insider) and i happen to love his work im gonna post his link anyway.

What Up $port!

Brooklyn BBQ's And Block Parties

2009-05-02T10:19:00.001-07:00

It was a block party and everyone was outside. It was hot and the Quarter Water Juices attracted all the bees from Brooklyn To Staten Island. The 25 cent Icy's were plentiful, and the Icy cart was going up and down the block with the little hispanic lady selling icies for 50 cent and you could get the big blue cup for a dollar.

I walked up and down the block engaging in different types of Games. We went from Manhunt, to regular tag because my next door neighbor Maria didnt understand what man-hunt was. It was simply Tag, just a little different lol. Then we would play red devil and the block would be filled with children arguing "Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Sheryl Right Over" One kid would yell from my side. Then The little boy who had on the blue and yellow shorts and a tye dye T shirt with different colors would yell, "Man, why yall keep picking Sheryl, No, New Rule..." and his rule would get lost in the midst of us yelling "NAhhhhh You can't do that, making up new rules yo, nahhhh"

Everyone would get mad and the boys would break off and play fight and one of my sisters would go get the double dutch rope, which was really a wire we asked the guy on the AT&T truck for when he had drove down our block 2 weeks ago.

"Zero Zero Zing Zing God No Higher" - Keisha would yell, which just meant that she was going first and there was no call higher than that. Then you would hear the rest of us girls yelling out "First" "Second" "Third" and so forth until we had all called our turns out.

Then Mellissa would ALWAYS try to get one of the ends of the rope and she knew DAMN WELL she was 'Double Handed' which meant she couldnt turn double dutch.

THEN HERE GOES THE BOYS! Jumping in the rope looking all retarded, and our little game was ruined....bastards.

Then The food would come and My sister would always get ketchup from her burger all over her face and my father would get mad and tell her "Go Clean Your Damn Face" and she would cuss him all the way over to the table to get a napkin, but only in her head, and then when she would get back to the group of kids who sat around eating she would whisper "Man, i cant stand him". Then The Music Would Play.

OH HOW I LOVED THE MUSIC!! We would start it off with Crystal Waters' Gypsy Woman, The Jeff Redd's You Called and Told me, Then we would take it to The "Follow me" Joint, By Aly-Us. We wouldnt stop there, we would go on to Hey Mr. DJ By Zhane, Ce Ce Peniston's 'Keep On Walkin' and 'Finally' would play and then 'Brighter Days' My DJ Vinnie and everyone would be out there dancing. I would just wait until my joint came on, and get ready to sing.....

then...BAM!!! Real Love....Im Searching For A Real Love, Someone to set my heart Free Real Love...Iiii-ahh-immm Searching Foorrr a Real Loveeeeee.

THAT WAS THE ULTIMATE SONG!

Then the reggae would come on. Pose Off, Romie, Tight Up Skirt, Batty Rider, Freaks By Lil' Viscious, Maddy maddy Cry, Then my Favorite reggae song ever created "Action" by Buju Banton would come on and my pops would always try to get me to dance because i could wine up my waistline like the a jamaican girl off the boat.

I would wait that white reggae artist snow's song to come on "I Will Do Anything For You" and then i would make my way to the dance floor and the people on the block would cowd around. And LORD, if me and my friends would have practiced a routine just for the block party it was OVER! All eyes on us as we would get out there with matching outfits and do the pepperseed, bogle, and butterfly all our hearts desired.

Brooklyn ...A Beautiful Place to be in the summer, I feel bad for anyone who has never and will never experience this.

Suspect Guys and My Denial

2009-04-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stopped and admired someone. Like, just sit and look because they seem almost like the perfect specimen. Really cute. So BAM! how about i was on myspace (which is really rare, and everytime i go on i have a weird story like the one about herpes and lies) and some boy posted some weird shit on my comments. Im guessing it was one of those retarded spam messages (If its called spam, i thought spam was like some kind of pork thingy).

Im like wow, he has some really great skin, love the hue, color, and everything. SO! i go to his page and Tamia "Cant get enough of you" comes on. In my head im like wow thats kind of suspicious but im sure guys listen to Tamia too, but to have that as his profile song raised a flag....half staff.

So i go through his pictures and he's in the pictures with some very questionable people. Posing in very questionable poses. I dont even pay it any mind because he's in NYC, and im in denial because he's cute!!!

I continue and realize that in one picture he's really close to some guy, who's behind him, and like....hugging him from the back

BUMBACLOT!!!!! What part of the game is this? I have no choice but to assume he's ...homosexual. I have nothing against them, at all.... but why you?

Not You, ...whyyy?

THATS NOT WHERE IT ENDS!!

So i continue through the pictures (Still in denial) and come across another cute guy, hispanic, and it says me and my dude. So my gaydar is starting to make a ruckus but im in denial. And then ....BAM!!! The next picture is the spanish guy doing what looks like a dance and the caption says "Get It baby". Then i see this:

OH LAWD NO PLEASE NO!!!....So Now...No more denying it. Well, one good thing came out of this, he can definitely dress which helps me realize that Kanye's Little "I get my fashion sense from the gays" comment has been proven true.

SIGH.....

Well...YOU GO BOYS!

And Now He's Makin Love To Nicki

2009-04-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

"Girl, he aint shit, he just like every other nigga out here, you know they all dogs, I Swear..NIGGAS AINT SHIT" my homegirl would tell me everytime i told her how upset i was with "Mister". She would tell me how stupid he was making me look, how she knew in her heart that he was cheating when he said he was going to work on his days off, and how she would try to get me to call his phone blocked to see if he was ignoring my calls because my name popped up on his caller I.D. when i called.

It was definitely partly my fault because i only told her negative, I never expressed how i never had to need or want for anything, how he treated me great, how he loved me and wanted me around forever. I only complained about how he didn't answer when I called, how he always wanted to hang with his boys when i wanted him home.

I remember the games she used to try to get me to play, pretending to be some girl that he didn't really meet at a party he went to once. Or some girl with the wrong number who thought he sounded cute, and tried to flirt with him.

I remember it vividly. I remember how she would tell me how she saw him in the food court with unknown girls, chicks she didn't know. She would tell me how they sat in a booth at the food court laughing, and how the girls hand would be in his lap as he talked to her with a smile on his face.

"THAT NIGGA AINT SHIT, I'm telling you, he just like your ex"

I started to believe her, i started to feel stupid, i started to feel like he wasn't working on his days off for extra money, even though his checks were bigger every week, i started to believe that he was in the malls smiling all up in some other females face, i could see them smiling, her hands all over him, even though i knew his sister was in town, and had invited me out to the mall with them. I envisioned him picking up girls in the club and pocketing their numbers even though i washed his clothes and i never found any evidence of that. Then i thought to myself "It's 2009, maybe the numbers are in his blackberry" even though i had his passwords to his phone, and could go through it as i pleased.

I started to believe that i was being made into his fool, even though he treated me right. I started believing he was just like my ex, i even pictured the ex's face on the new love interest's' face. I don't know if he could tell but i turned into 007, Bond, James Bond. Checking Phones, Myspaces, cracking e-mail codes and shit like i was the government, The Bush Administration didn't have a damn thing on me.

The more she filled my head with shit, the more i twisted his words as they came out of his mouth, love meant that he would cheat and he didn't really care, he said it just to shut me up when i fussed about him hanging with his friends. His words morphed from vows of love and sweet words into deceitful lies.

When he said one thing, I heard another. The more my 'friend' told me about how he was no good, a liar,

...the more she fucked with my mind, the more i pushed him away

I remember it all vividly. I remember starting arguments over little things, i remember getting caught in the midst of these junior high school games that i was playing with a grown ass man, i remember it vividly.

The more she fucked with my head...the more i pushed him away.

I remember, the fights, the yelling, the screaming, the breaking up, and being stubborn, not talking to him until he wanted to make up. Then she would make me feel dumb, tell me i need to leave him for good and....

The more she fucked with my thoughts...the more i pushed him away.

I remember pushing him so far away, that there was no coming back for him. He was done. I remember .....and Now he's living with the next bitch
2 kids
big house
married.

I remember.....feeling stupid, because i let a perfectly good man go because she told me to.

Let this be a lesson ladies, because the love we had no longer belongs to we, it belongs to him and her.

Listening to them friends.....

So Tired ...

2009-04-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

Pulled an All Nighter
Did Not Sleep Yesterday,
Writing Papers and finishing up school assignments
WHY do teachers give you all this shit at the last minute

Its 9:49....I Woke up yesterday around this time and have NOT been to sleep since then

Im Gonna Fall out and DIE!

OK....Getting dressed for class now....

Some Of You Bloggers Annoy Me.

2009-04-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

Well, Maybe not the blogger themselves, but alot of the commenters (Looks as my followers Un-Follow me).

Is it me or do you (especially the females) always agree with everything that the person who wrote the post says?

I'm tired of seeing "Aint that the truth" when A Male blogger can bash females or say something that NO female should agree with, Like ....having "casual sex" ( an excuse for you freaks to sleep with everyone and make it look 'ok') and I look through the comments to see what females say....and its like:

Yeah I agree, I hate chicks who do that, why are you getting mad its just sex

Or a guy can say how females get on their nerves when they do something and a female can comment "Yeah, why do women do that" when Mama, YOU KNOW YOU PROBABLY DO THAT SAME THING. Every female here on blogger is NOT a righteous, perfect, women. So please stop acting and pretending.

Im sorry, .... Im too real to NOT point that out.

I'll be back on my regular blogging thing one of these days. I'm just really busy with school and work. Not stressed, Just busy.

Homophobia (and the ignorant)

2009-04-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

Little precious has a natural obsession
For temptation but he just can't see
She gives him loving that his body can't handle
But all he can say is baby it's good to me
One day he goes and takes a glimpse in the mirror
But he doesn't recognize his own face
His health is fading and he doesn't know why
3 letters took him to his final resting place
Ya'll dont'hear me
-- Waterfalls - TLC.

NOW!

For the past three days I have been in the theatre taking part in the One Act festival (Yeah, Im a theatre kid, since my freshmen year here at ASU) and one of the plays that had the audience in tears was "Before It Hits Home".

Brief Synopsis: The play was a bout a musician who lef home to play his ...Sax (i think) and hasn't been home in about 30 years. He's been engaging in both hetero and Homo-sexual relationships with men and women. He's on the downlow.

The play was about AIDS, the message was "Be careful, wrap it up, and stop being so promiscuous because AIDS does exist and it is killing young men and women, in ALL communities. Not just the Gay Community, Not just the Black Community, and Not just in Africa as some people so ignorantly think"

That was the message.

Once the play was over, a young lady came up to me and said "You know, that play made me cry, it was really touching, maybe now they'll think about it, and stop being Gay".

Me being me, was ready to call her all kinds of dumb asses. But i digressed, and I held my tongue and just waited.

Now, today I sit here and Im wondering, how many other people in the Audience got the message but took the WRONG thing from it. How many people actually understood what we were trying to say VIA our Theatre Arts performance. How many people, walked out of there and caught an STD THAT SAME NIGHT!? How many people will NOT take heed and catch one in the near future? How many Already Had The Disease?

AIDS is VERY serious yet promiscuity is probably at an all time high. People who so carelessly and Irresponsibly have sex UNPROTECTED.

AIDS does NOT affect just the people who have it, but it affects their families, and their communities.

If I (G'd Forbid) had any kind of STD my family would be devastated. Not only would they be devastated my partner, and their partner, and their partners and the other partners of those partners ......Would be devastated.

Do You Understand Where Im Going With this.

Homophobia is the reason why we dont sometimes get and understand the message. Being in Denial, thinking "That wont or Could never happen to me" is the reason we dont get, or take heed to the message that we tried to get across to the youth last night in the theatre.

AIDS is NOT a "Gay Disease". Aids is real, and though we may not have it personally, and no one in our families may have it, it Affects YOU!

So basically That was my plea for you guys to wrap it up, be informed, and open your eyes. The world is crazy. As a matter of Fact I Got A Story To Tell (4) Coming soon. TRUE STORY too.

SMH

...Oh and P.S.

2009-04-06T17:42:00.001-07:00

I've been writing in a black and white marble notebook alot lately. Thoughts of A Schizophrenic Brooklynite has gone MANUAL!!!

Dont worry, I'll be transfering those thoughts to the Blog soon.

Dizzyana! - E-Dot Dizzy

2009-04-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

Blogger is a world of talented young writers, novelists, story tellers, as well as people who just want to spill their deepest darkest secrets to anyone who will read them (LOL). One of those talented people includes a young aspiring rapper from Atlanta by way of Indianapolis. I know your asking yourself, “Do people in Indiana actually rap?”, I asked myself that same question, well yeah, they do. He happens to be one of those people. I won’t write too much, but I’ve seen review after review, and said I'd rather chop it up, and talk to Dizzy Myself about Dizzyana: No Hooks.

Super Woman - Dizzy! Wassup, So I’ve listened to the mixtape and I HAVE to be honest….. I Thought it was 100 times better than any other project you’ve sent me in the past, don’t get me wrong I Am McLuvin was good, my roommate was even inquiring about your “Got her (Sweet)” joint, but I feel like on this one I got to see a whole new Dizzy. What was the motivation behind Dizzyana? And Where the hell are all the hooks?

Dizzy – Well thanks for the great intro! I feel all special. Got Her sweet is on iTunes right now. But yeah this project was more of a lyrical exercise for me. Kind of like a re-birth. The hooks in the stash though. I got you. Don't Eeeeeeen worry about it. The next mixtape will be great. Its epic!

Super Woman - Lyrical Exercise, a warm up huh? Well, Dizzyana is a play on your hometown Indianapolis, what kind of reaction do you get when people ask you where you’re from and you say Indianapolis?

Dizzy – "They have black people there?" haha, I get strange looks.. Especially here in Atlanta, they don't even know where it is sometimes. They here the music and then think everyone in Indianapolis rap like me.. NOT TRUE.. Sorry! Haha!!!

Super Woman - Yeah, I was thinking more Susie and Hannah when I Heard you say Indianapolis. I heard REHAB! There seems to be some truth to a lot of the stories you tell on the mixtape, or maybe you’re just telling stories (I Love a good story). The greatest rapper ever (in my opinion); Biggie Smalls was one of the greatest story tellers to ever grace hip hop with his presence; many of his songs were true; is that the case with Rehab?

Dizzy – Yeah. Its all truth actually. I was in that situation twice. Talking to a girl and she kept being so damn insecure. Listening to her bitter friends and stopped talking me but came back trying to patch it up. I had to rap about it and express my frustration just cause I knew that both of them would hear it, haha. They always asked for me to write a song for em. Welp, I did! Haha, aren't I sweet? Don't mind me I'm buggin ha.

Super Woman - Well, they asked for it! Ha! I won’t get all E! Hollywood true story on you and ask about any drug habits, sexcapades, or one night stands you may have had, but I do have one last question; me and some of the other ladies; damn near 200 of them (Who are reading your blog daily) want to know…….Are you really that big of a freak? (Dont worry girls i got you!)

Dizzy – Lol, I get asked that question everyday. I'm a freak yeah but are all my stories about me, naw. To some extent its some truth to them. Truth and imagination. I had to stop telling sex stories because a lil girl, maybe like 14 hit me up and told me she liked it. I was thrown off by that. So I put a stop to the sex stories for a minute.

Download Dizzyana: Dizzy – Dizzyana: No Hooks!

-->His Blog!

I Miss You

2009-04-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

I Love this little girl, even though she refuses to take a picture and gave me the Kanye West "I hate paparazzi" hand to the face.

Can't wait to get back to NY to see My Sunshine!!! My Niece!!

Dudes Say The Darndest Things (1)

2009-04-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

OH Yes, you see the one because this wont be the last time i post one of these....

So my bestfriends homeboy (Who claims he has a crush on me) text me and said wassup.
When i dont really feel like talking to someone I tell them "Jesus Loves You". I dont know why, its a habit. Conversation goes like this:

Him: Wassup
Me: Jesus Loves You
Him: I Know YOU love me, I Love You Too
Me: Jesus is Mad At That Statement He Does Not Approve, Not At All
Him: Jesus Is Proud Of That Statement, He wants us to Love Each Other
Me: .....LMFAO, Are You Serious? Is That Your Final Answer?
Him: Yeah
Me: LMAO Clown Ass Nigga, You So Corny, im going to sleep

He was dead serious, he got upset. HOW DARE HE get mad.

I Got A Story To Tell (3)

2009-03-25T19:20:00.001-07:00

"Hi" - He smiles.

I Smile "Hey"

"I was wondering, i saw you from across the yard, and you haven't danced all night" - says

"Yeah, I....I Don't dance, not like these people do" - I say and look around at all the grinding and dry humping going on around me.

It was a summer night, I was hot but not sweating; rocking the hottest outfit at the party with my hair freshly washed and set. I had the fresh face, meaning no make-up, not even a hint of eye liner. Just Vaseline. I was rocking that fragrance called ...Soap. Obviously I didn't want to be here to begin with, but somehow some way Angie (my best friend at the time) managed to drag me here.

"Lol, so what are you saying, your too good for us common folk" - Still flashing a row of perfect white teeth. (I have a weakness like you wouldn't believe for a great smile)

"Nah, I'm not saying that at all, i just don't, i guess I'm more reserved, or maybe even too shy" - still looking around trying to avoid eye contact.

"Well My name's Mike, whats yours" - he says as he extends his hand. As a Girl, growing up in Coney Island, East new York - Brooklyn, And South Jamaica Queens, I didn't know what that hand was for.

"Shenda" - I reply and finally realize that this young man was trying to shake my hand. Major points.

"Lol you looked confused" - he says bopping his head to Jigga, My Nigga

"I Apologize, I'm just not used to guys shaking my hand, especially not from the east" (The section of Brooklyn we were in that night) - I reply as i finally took a quick glance at him and noticed how gorgeous he was in the face. He also had that bad boy look, something about that bad boy look, demeanor, it turned me ON.

"Its cool, so Shenda, why would your boyfriend walk away and leave you unaccompanied in this little corner, at a backyard bash full of eager men, I know you see the wolves eyeing you" he chuckles and points to a group of guys, some I knew from high school, some I knew from the neighborhood, and a couple I had never saw in my life; they were all staring me down as if I were a piece of meat; which I'm sure I was to them.

"Hey, Mike is it?" He nods yeah, "Yeah, well Mike, I personally don't like guys who beat around the bush and try to disguise what they're plans really are. If you want to know something just ask it." - I said as i searched for Angie.I saw her all hugged up on some random Jamaican guy with too tight skinny jeans. "Excuse Me" - and began to walk away.

"Shenda, umm before you go, I was wondering if you had a boyfriend, a man, or someone you were seeing, whatever it is that you girls call it these days, and if not, could i get your number and call you sometime." - he blurted out, it would have fallen on deaf ears but he managed to say it all before the Jamaican DJ started yelling "Bummbbaaaccllooootttttt" loudly into the microphone which traveled through the giant Bose speakers in a friends backyard, and echoed off of the cement walls enclosing us in the yard. He managed to say something else but i couldn't make it out because the DJ was now yelling

"Me Nuh Wan See No BLOODCLOT PUSSYHOLE Chi-Chi Man Do Nuh Dutty Whine"

I Walked closer - "What'd you say, this bootleg ass Bobby conders yelling in my ear and shit i didn't hear you"

He smiled that award winning smile again which was obviously contagious because i smiled, and didn't know where the hell that came from.

"I Said, your entirely too cute for me to not at least TRY to get to know"

I held my hand out "Give me your phone"

He handed over a sidekick, how typical of a Brooklyn Dude to have a sidekick. I just dialed one of my 3 cellphone numbers, the one i always pick up, handed him his phone back and walked off.

We met a couple of times, had dinner, he never tried anything crazy, and never made me feel like less than a lady. Eventually, I don't know what happened but we kind of fell off. He went his way and i went mines. I found myself asking ..."Whatever happened to Mike"

I Don't know. maybe he's a doctor, a lawyer, a politician, a drug dealer, in prison, dead (I hope not) or moved to another country....

Until, I walked into him in Lennox mall in Atlanta.

Who would have known that 6 years later i would run into my high school sweet heart who never was, in the same mall that i happened to be shopping in. I didn't know what to do, speak, say hi, ask him if he remembered me.

I didn't know what to say, or how he would react so ...... i stood there.

I didn't say a word, I let him walk past me, and into the arms of another........man.

Hey I Like Your Blog....(1)

2009-03-25T17:44:00.001-07:00

I have to be honest with you all, i probably don't read all of you guys' blogs. Heyyyyy Honesty is the best policy. There are a few that i read because, lets face it you guys are creative and talented. Then, there are those of you who just started blogging because Myspace finally started boring you and you were looking for an alternate way of being online and interacting with other people.

Some of you do have, and come up with very creative ways to keep me entertained, which isn't that hard at all. One of the more talented storytellers that i happened to run across because her story had the borough of Brooklyn in it's title would have to be a young lady who goes by the name Riva. Her Blog is supposed to be a compilation of miniature stories, however each post seems to intertwine and tell a story longer than a short story usually is. her story;The Boys On The Block In Brooklyn (And Others)" is one of love, lust, lies, and how boys can sometimes be stupid (So far).

If you've read any of these other online blogger books i advise you to read Riva's blog. None of that half assed vocabulary, and misspelled (Purposely) words in sentences. I Actually love the story, and i believe some of my other Brooklynites, New Jerseyers, and other urban cities nearby (Maybe even Baltimore, I cant wait to get to B-More in July!!!) would love it too!!

Blog I Co-Sign: Boys On The Block In Brooklyn (AKA Riva's Fiction Blog)

Nicki Minaj Freestyles For Stack

2009-03-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

.

As you all know I Haven't been online in a minute. I love Stack's Music, and HONESTLY i never listened to his stuff until AFTER he died. I don't remember if i ever heard anything from him prior to him passing away. Even though he's not doing anything in this video it kinda made me feel sad that he's no longer here.

BUT!!! Lets get to what I really want to say...

Nicki Minaj, What happened?

I remember when you started off with Gravy then Sickamore then whoever was next. I liked you when you was spitting hard stuff (like the "Warning" freestyle/video). All of these new raps and rhymes riddled with sexual innuendo and other provocative language about what you sucking and how he's licking is not the Nicki Minaj who started off (Who actually kinda reminded me of Fox Boogie).
I LOVE FOXY!!! How could you NOT love Foxy.

Anyway, females need to stop selling their souls to be in this industry. Kim did it and it worked for her but no other female can do what Kim did (Because, ... lets face it, Biggie was her mentor).

Who was your favorite Female rap Artist Ever?

When Using The Word "Fuck"

2009-03-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

In my best PBS kids tone of voice I welcome you all to todays lesson. The english language can sometimes be very complicated,.... and grammar...FUGHETABOUTIT!
So i say ...Fuck It. Let Youtube teach me something, what else is it there for? Lol

So I Present To You:

The "F" Word. (Nothing Like The "L" word)

Smell Yo' D**K

2009-03-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

In Honor Of Yvette/Evette however you spell it (From Baby Boy) Smell Yo Dick By Riskay.

This chick so Innovative.....SMH!

(OFFICIAL) Riskay Feat. Aviance and Real - Smell Yo Dick

I dont know..... *Blank Stare*

Anyway, This was once an epidemic, I remember when grown women would say this to their man....
I remember Yvette telling Jodie "Let me Smell Ya...." well you get it.

OK fellas if you comment your gonna have to come up with something a little more creative than "While Your down there you can suck it too"
I've seen that comment under this video 100 times already ....lol.

SO IM BACK!!! and apparently so is Kid Cudi.

2009-03-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

Don't worry, I'll be getting to your blogs soon...maybe (HEY! Honesty is the best policy!). However, while I was gone, I was seriously GONE! I took a complete vacation from the Internet (Not including Twitter). I heard a couple of interesting, disturbing, and interestingly disturbing things in my absence (A Sex Tape 50?). One thing that I found out (via twitter) that annoyed me and another guy on twitter who goes by the hilarious name; Internet Goon was the retirement of ...Kid Cudi (Yeah, I scratched my head too). WE didn't appreciate Kid Cudi's retirement. I think (and this is just my opinion) that the only people who should even be allowed to utter the word retirement, are those that have a CLASSIC album out, and can be considered a legend. These people include 50 cent (GRODT), Hova (who has never sold less than a million ... i think), Eminem (who sells more than Hova), and hell...even Diddy (Who can't stop, wont stop so we're all just gonna have to "Take dat Take dat"). Legendary status isn't exactly EASY to obtain, and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES can Cudi be considered.....legendary (I apologize to his groupies, fans, and stans in advance for the rest of this post....not really).

Any who, does anyone remember that kid J-kwon who made that song about "Everybody in the club getting Tipsy" and "Hood Hop". HOW ANNOYED WOULD YOU BE IF HE CAME OUT AND SAID I'M RETIRING?

Ok Ok, maybe your saying to yourself "I don't really care because umm...we don't like him and we could care less about him so let him retire and stop waisting plastic for his C.D. covers". However, I'm different if you haven't noticed, and i would be upset, as should you if your a real music lover, as I am.

*Sigh*

Anyway. To further desecrate and insult the hip hop community, Kudi has decided in AUSTIN, Texas.....NOT HOUSTON**, that he will Un-Retire.

** I said Not Houston because he clearly said Houston and he's in ....Austin.

Seriously? ......I wanna see his album sales..... or should i say his download numbers (because i doubt he ever even puts an album out, mixtapes are NOT included) after this funny little stunt. Wait....does he have an album out already? I'm not sure....

If he does....LOL, How can you retire and people don't even know you have an album floating around out there?

Anyway. This is not to discredit this man for all of his .....achievements, but should a feature as a Hip Hop freshmen in XXL magazine realllyyy mean that your the next big thing? Is it kind of annoying that all of the big hip hop blogs constantly bombard us with pictures, new songs, and mixtapes from Cudi, Hamilton, and Asher Roth?

I'm on a search, a search to find my OWN favorite rapper, not the ones that the people who run hip hop websites force-feed me, and tell me i should like. I'd appreciate it if you guys did too.

I'm not trying to offend anyone or start any arguments, however if i have.....I have proudly done my fucking job. I was almost crucified for expressing this in a comment on someone else's blog...i appreciate you, you added fuel to my fire that was slowlyyyyy dimming out. The music industry is a joke and the consumers should be laughing but ...they're the ones who are being laughed at.

I Knowwww I Know.

2009-03-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been having issues with my computer (NO DIZZY, NOT DUE TO DIAL UP!!) Lol.

So i sent it in to the doctor (aka "The shop") to be fixed and hopefully sent back to me working properly.....Hopefully.

So thats why i haven't really been around lately.

However i will be blogging soon on an interesting speech i attended by "Cousin Jeff" from BET aka Jeff Johnson here on my schools campus. AMAZING.

He made me think about alot. Gave me alot of great ideas. I also was in a live chat session with Russell Simmons (Who was NOT the star of that conversation at all, actually we (The young people and young bloggers) were. We discussed the disgusting Rockefeller Drug Laws (I Urge you to look it up because i will be posting my thoughts on some legislation that either has been or is being passed on that law)

Check Out This Site: Rockefeller Drug Laws (Drop The Rock)

I just realized that i really wanted to change this blog into something ...more informational. Of course my personal stuff may pop up from time to time, but diary's are meant to be kept a secret, and read when I'm dead...Lol.

P.S. is it true that 50 put out a sex tape with ...Rick Ross' Baby Moms? TRIFLIN!!!
If yall have my e-mail address e-mail me from time to time im sorta out of the loop

=(

If not heres my new one Super.w0maan@gmail.com (tell me a story...something...dang!)

SOOOO Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

Back to my Law and Order episodes and my chocolate ....everything (Chocolate milkshake, candy, bars, cereal etc etc)

Red White ....And Blue.

2009-03-08T16:56:00.000-07:00

I Was born in a place with the skin of a brown man and the heritage of the red man. In a place dominated by the white man who shares with the the rest of us.

I was born in a place where ....I'm afraid to pull out my wallet, for 19 may hit me and 41 sent in my direction.

I was born in a place where justice no longer lives and iniquity resides. I was born here. I was born in a place where they tell me I'm red white and blue, but they discriminate against the red, and treat me differently from the white, and while the blue are supposed to protect me...they'll send 51 my way on my wedding day because they suspect me...

I was born .... In a place they call a melting pot. Although we all reside in this pot its like ...vinegar and water. We're separated but together, supposed to be separate but equal but ....ask the black people of Florida how they feel about their voices being heard circa the first bush election.

I'm from a place where, they harass my best friend everyday and call her a terrorist even though she was born here in the land of the red white and blue, so was her mother and her father, yet they don't accept her. I was born in a place where racism is something we joke about. The black watermelon lover, the red feather chief, and the white chick who always falls in the movie or says shit like cowabunga and dude.

That's funny but ...how about plungers stuffed in places where they shouldn't be put. I Was Born In A Place Where I'm more afraid of the man with my skin color than the one without because lets face it, statistically speaking more of us die at the hands of our brothers than at the hands of another....

Crying mothers, dying sons, sad sisters, mis-educated children led astray, unjust systems, oppression, depression, lies, deceit.....all in the land of the red, white, ......and blue.

Excuse Me Mr. President But We Need To Talk

2009-03-05T20:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Barack Obama,

I feel the need to talk to you about a situation called.....Operation America.

Noooo Mr. President, No need to shuffle through papers because this isn't in your documents, it's in mines because I'm about to tell you about my stimulus plan. I'm trying to stimulate your mind and hopefully leave here with some answers.

Let me start this by saying I'm a skeptic about EVERYTHING.

YOU INCLUDED. Just because your black, white, Hispanic, young, old, Asian, Italian or anything else for that matter does not mean I'll automatically trust you. So don't think for one second that you got my vote because i trust you. Had it been between you and Hillary, Hillary would have gotten my vote, however McCain and his republican Peanut Gallery would NOT be running this country if left up to me.

I do feel like we would have seen more changes under McCain in the past couple of months though, that old man don't play. He was in the army. I'm Just not so sure those changes would have been in my favor.

When I First heard about your stimulus plan i was like " He's trying to throw money at me all willy nilly, I LIKE THIS GUY"

After weeks of watching CNN I MUST SAY that throwing money at us cant be good in a "Fucked up economy". You can give me a $5000 stimulus check today but how is that gonna affect my kids and their kids? From what YOU and the news have been saying, we don't have money to be giving away to people who refuse to go get a job.

I Also understand that you want to concentrate money on education and the poor and health care; however I am a Healthy, Grown ass woman graduating from college soon who needs a job. What ever happened to bringing Jobs back to the country? Instead I see more people getting laid off, what ever happened to the so called "Energy Crisis"? I haven't heard YOU say SHIT about that after November 4th. You also haven't addressed prop 8 or abortion; you still haven't told us what your game plan is for getting us out of this "economy situation". Even though You HAVE addressed the economy a couple of times you haven't told us HOW your gonna fix this. As an American its natural to hear someone say Imma do this and you reply with "How?"... Or maybe that's just the skeptic/Brooklyn/NYer coming out of me.

Hillary has been spotted all up in China, Russia, France and shit. I wanna know where you've been so I turn on the TV and your in..... Canada?

Excuse me for being an asshole....

I'm not saying your some kind of super president, but I Honestly hope you do what you've promised (I really do). I just feel like theres alot of shit you should have addressed at least in your first 100 days In office. I ain't saying you had to fix anything, I mean give us a game plan....a blueprint ....A Hint at some kind of action...something.

Congress isn't shooting your shit down because they don't like you. HELL a high percentage of republicans voted for you... They just don't want to just go hand out free money to people.

Right now I'm just passed the "Happy My president is black" phase and i want to see some real change, shit as far as hope; we don't have no other choice BUT to hope this shit gets better.

So Mr. President, I Need for you to go ahead and get all presidently because right now i feel like we don't even have a president.

The Black president Euphoric phase has worn off and run it's course, Like a TRUE American, I wont lie, I'll be honest and say that, I don't care what color you are, its time to start passing bills, making laws and shit. I know your like "I got four years to do all of that shit calm your ass down shenda"

But I'm personally not trying to hear that shit. You should have never made it seem like 2 days after you were elected the world would be all sunshine, rainbows, unicorns and shit. You need to let us know wassup and stop trying to prove that your all for the poor people. Be for the AMERICANS. Not just the poor.

Are You The Other Woman?

2009-03-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

Post Coming Soon,

My Aunt Loved These Girls. Im Raiding Her CD Collection when I Get Back Home because she has every Hot CD From The 90's R&B Circuit, EVEN THE R&B MIXTAPES!

"Finally I Woke Up And Smelled The Coffee, I Understand/ Why Two Women Cant Share One Man"

DEAR DIARY: Letters To God.

2009-03-02T18:17:00.000-08:00

"Day after Day seems like I push against the clouds
They just keep blocking out the sun
It seems since I was born
I've wakened every blessed morning
Down on my luck and up against the wind"

---Lori Perry (Up Against The Wind).

I Don't think I can go to anyone else with what i need to talk to you about. I remember the first time i read footprints in the sand, and the serenity prayer.

You truly work in mysterious ways because i was in the bathroom, laid out on the floor, contemplating suicide. The lights off, my face swollen, my eyes red, my body limp. I felt like i couldn't take anymore disappointment from people who i thought loved me, or people who i undoubtedly and unconditionally loved. A Knock at the door....It was my grandmother

"Crissy, hurry up in there"

I stood up and turned on the lights to tell her i would hurry up. And that's when i noticed the two pictures on the wall.

It's ironic because I always thought my grandmother was tripping for even putting them there....in the bathroom?

I Feel like You dealt me a fucked up hand. Crack Head Mother, Absentee pops who thinks he can salvage our relationship with monetary gifts. I Love them both and that's what hurts the most. Loving people even after they've hurt you the worst.
You gave My Grandmother Cancer. My Rock...My Mother, Father, My Everything. I was so hurt when she came to me, tears running down her face but still managing to stand there and look so strong. She told us, we were young God how were we supposed to understand. Cancer?

The same thing that took my other grandmother from this earth. She was my rock too. She was such a pure soul, never said No unless she couldn't do it, she never locked her doors, she took care of the neighborhood's homeless and drug addicts. And YOU Took her from me.

You had my mother coming and leaving. We knew who she was but we didn't know why we should care. I had to fight demons when it came to her. I tried to hate her but it hurt to hate her. I tried to love her, but it hurt to love her. I couldn't win. I chose to love her and still no break.

Then there was the time we were almost homeless....and then God....Darryl. I never been closer to a nigga before him. My best friend, my homie, my brother. I was so hurt. Seeing him in that coffin did something to me. Turned Anti Social, Stopped Talking, Ignoring the world.

I mean, I know i did some fucked up shit. I Know i thought evil thoughts. I'm guilty of cheating, sex before marriage, lying, hurting people, and i believe in Karma but what i did was trivial compared to what i feel like you were doing to me. I know I've been apart of senseless drama, participated in ignorant activities, and did shit that people would NEVER believe i did because they see a sweet girl. They see the exterior but my interior is hurting, ruined, but i still persevere because you say you never give people more than they can handle. I Know I stopped believing, I Know I Gave up on YOU. I Know I Did. But God can You Blame Me?

If Put In My Shoes, Given My Obstacles God, would you have done things differently? If you had to cry my tears, and fear the things i did, and lose the people i lost, would you be able to do things differently?

They say God Never Puts More On You Than You Can Bare.....

If that's right then why niggas out here slitting wrist, overdosing on pills, and jumping from bridges. God i just think you push niggas a little too hard sometimes.

You supposed to be my father, THE father, GOD. I cant believe how fucked up the world is. Baby Sister need to get her mind right, my little brother in the streets following his older brothers chained legged legacy, My niece only 1 years old and I'm already afraid for her future, Big brother don't do his girl right...and he got 4 sisters. Family Secrets being exposed, family keeping secrets from each other, seems like my Mother whose been clean for years is back out there doing her dirt but we can never really tell, and even if it was obvious i think we'd still ignore it and pray it ain't true.

What good is praying though?

None God because i sometimes feel like you not even listening to me when im talking. so maybe if i write you a letter you'll read it. Maybe.

God, I'm Not complaining, I'm simply spitting facts, shit that you already know, but sometimes people can see shit happening and not completely fathom the importance of the issue until its pointed out.

I'm Just pointing it out.

I'm not expecting you to write me back, work miracles, or even aknowledge this letter. I got it off my chest for my sanity. I'm Good Now....I'm Good.

Is It Just Me OR Does T-Pain Look Like....

2009-03-02T16:51:00.000-08:00

I Dont know if any of you were into cartoons like I was into cartoons as a kid. I loved cartoons and I still look at certain ones to this day.

There was this one cartoon with a chick named after and allergy medicine who had dreads

You Know.....Allegra.

Remember Allegra's Window ...

Does T-Pain NOT look Like Allegra From Allegra's Window?

You Be The Judge:

=

Xena, Warrior Fucking Princess

2009-02-26T08:50:00.000-08:00

As a kid I was never the child who wanted to be a firefighter, cop, lawyer, nor doctor. I wanted to do weird shit, No like reallllyyyy weird. I remember in the first grade when I Glued my teacher; Miss Frazier, to her chair and blamed it on Stephen. He was so mad that the teacher took 3 stars from his name on the chart that he ignored the "Don't hit girls" rule and commenced to whipping my ass after school with my very own 101 Dalmatians umbrella. Well he tried.

I was heavy handed and had an older brother 7 years my senior who whipped my ass in true Brooklyn nature. My brother called it "Making me tougher", I called it him taking advantage of the fact that i was a little girl who couldn't fight and was still afraid Of TEDDY BEARS!!. Little Stephen wasn't about to just hit me and not get hit back. So i snatched my Umbrella in Mid- Air and FUCKED HIS FACE UP! (Damn, i got in alot of trouble for that but my grandmother was proud i didn't let some boy hit me and my brother was happy our boxing sessions could finally end)

I remember thinking on that day that I wanted to be a Ninja Turtle... and Kick Stephens ass with Nun Chucks....Yep. Of course I settled for a 101 Dalmatian umbrella, with pictures of cute little puppies. However it made me think of what i would be when i grew up. I wanted to be a Ninja turtle. I would live in the pent house suite of the sewer, in the second car of the broke down "A" train station on Kingston and Throop (See i had a helluva Imagination) And Splinter wouldn't be a ~~rat~~ because umm....i don't like rats. Instead he would be an over sized puppy or some shit. Just not a rodent or a bug. No rats, No Roaches.

Then i remember in the Fourth grade in Mrs. Hardy's Class we had career day and this lady was a mortician. I was going through a phase and i thought being a Mortician was the shit. I wanted to be a mortician and fix dead people up to look all pretty and stuff. I saw it on the movie My Girl. Then i wanted to be a Assassin for the government. I wanted to be a sniper in the secret service and shoot people from the tops of buildings 50 miles away from them.

Then i remember when The damn Mighty Morphing Power Rangers were the bomb! (Not all this new ninja ranger, Mystic force, and HD bull shit) I was in Love with Tommy (The white ranger at the time of the Power Rangers Movie) and The pink ranger was dating him. Even though it wasn't confirmed, we knew the deal. I wanted to be the yellow ranger (Who was a Black Chick Named Aisha...Aisha tho?) and kick the pink rangers ass, steal Tommy from her, and Tommy and I would ride out into the sunset on our Zords....Yep!

I remember when I wanted to Be Xena...WARRIOR PRINCESS!! (I dismissed the fact that she was kissing on Gabriella...i ain't with that but Xena was a bad bitch)

I wanted to be the Chick from Mortal Kombat. NO!!! I wanted to be ALL of them bitches, Sonya Blade, Kitana, Mileena, Jade, Sereena, Tanya, Kira, but NOT that ~~Sheeva~~ Bitch. She had TOO many arms and shit. I liked the human looking characters. Don't get me wrong, Sheeva was a bad bitch. I also wanted to be That one dude who says "GET OVER HERREEEE". Was that even Mortal Kombat? It had to be because I remember it being on The Movie (MK: Annihilation, no, it was the first MK movie because 2 was kind of corny i think)

Oh And OF COURSE, what little black girl didn't want to be Storm from X Men (OK maybe it WAS just me...)

Well i wanted to be all of that.

Even though I've grown up and I'm in my 20'a (Early 20's) and I've had to conform, and change all of those wonderful things that i wanted to grow up and be as a child. I'm still (Drum Roll) XENA!!! WARRIOR FUCKING PRINCESS At heart.... Minus her whole lesbian affair with her sidekick.

R.I.P To My Blog....

2009-02-25T12:53:00.000-08:00

*TEARS*

So I have been debating on whether or not to delete my other blog. I apologize to all of my followers over there for what I've done but.....It's something i had to do.

I appreciate Everyone who is a Hip Hop Blogger. I especially would like to thank Dom (Who collaborated with me on our very FIRST compilation of weed songs) TJs DJs (Who would always Send me the latest B.o.B exclusives and invite me to all the parties, Thanks). Children Of The Curb (You guys are the bomb), Amalgam for alll of the new Max B And Joe Budden (whose album was Ok by the way), Miss Info who is seriously the most down to earth sarcastic young lady i know, and just all of the people in the hip hop blogging, promoting, writing, and even entertainment blogosphere. You guys have been good to me.

Im taking the whole writing thing on full throttle.

*Sigh* I'm kinda sad about it. That was my baby.

R.I.P (ONSD)

P.S. dont think for a second that something bigger isn't coming along hahahaha!! If you know me then you know i have something up my sleeves...

You Be Lying....

2009-02-23T21:30:00.000-08:00

Yo, You ever had this one friend who lied about something that you would have never thought they'd lie about? I gotta be careful of what i say because me and the person I'm talking about have some mutual friends who read my blog (Not that i care because everyone who knows me also knows my moniker "I'm a Thug" (Lmao), however i don't enjoy being reckless).

Intermission: "Im a gangsta grandpa and im proud of it" - 50 Cent (GRODT The Movie)

It's not because I'm afraid it'll get back to them but more-so because the "Secret" that this person told me is something i would never run off at the mouth about even though we are no longer friends

Anyway I'm just traveling all across the world .....wide web and i come across "the person". Lets make a long story short. "You" told me that "You" had an incurable disease of the sexually transmitted nature. Now "You" have been in numerous relationships after "you" told me this, where "you" have been sexually active....and I'm just not understanding how "you" are getting away with your life. SURELY someone would have KILLED "you" by now.

I think "You" Lied,
AND that's a desperate cry for help, Which isn't shocking when it comes to "you" because "you" have tried other EXTREME ways to cry out for attention and help. When i say Extreme Blog World I Mean EXTREME.

However i would like to know if "you" sexed someone who we both know (If i put too many details here it'll let the cat out of the bag) because if you did ...

*Starts Singing Sean Paul with a twist*
"You be burning not concerning what nobody wanna say ........"

Which brings me to the subject of attention seekers.

Why do people lie about things to get attention. Things that they don't really want to be known for. Like ....the person above, or like women who lie about who their child's father is, or perhaps men who lie about who they've had sexual encounters with (sad......just sad), or even women who lie and deny who they've had sexual encounters with (fellas, You know i got you guys as well, i don't "Man-Hate")

With that being said. I wash my hands of you, and your dirty little secret (Oh yes, Pun intended) is safe with me. However if i do find out that "you're" infecting anyyyyyy one i know, I'm letting the cat out of the bag. I'm telling because, intentionally and knowingly spreading diseases of the sexually transmitted nature is Trifling and Disgusting...Not to mention that its also trifling (Oh, i said that already).

You should have just bought you a damn puppy who would have showed you all the attention you want.

How Things Have Changed

2009-02-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

I have known many people in Brooklyn. Some are fellow Schitzo's And Some are even more crazier than me. Have you ever heard the saying "Things Change and people change"?

I would like to first and foremost say THANK YA JESUS! For me being able to over come and at times not even partake in the drama, bullshit, beef, arguments, fights, breakups, and makeups that eventually were followed by another breakup, The death, and incarceration that happened to many of my fellow brooklynites.

With that being said i went to my old Myspace page (Which i cant delete because i don't even remember the password or anything) and i ran across old comments, friends, and even some old enemies (Who came on my page to start drama....Ahhhh the young and dumb days) EVERYONE from Brooklyn (who was ONCE considered someone) is on that page *Waves* HELLO BROOKLYN

So as I'm going down memory lane and clicking on various profile pictures which ultimately led me to their profiles, I couldn't help but laugh at how many of them were doing wayyyyyyy worse than I am.

I Know, I Know, ...How evil of me but,.. whatever! I decided to indulge in my evil-ness and continue to laugh and talk shit (To myself)

I said this day would come.

The day when I would look back and say to myself what was I thinking, dating him, what was i thinking, stressing that situation, why the hell was she/he ever my friend, and why did i ever actually care that these people talked bad about me or didn't like me. I knew this day would come. IT'S HERE.

So I looked back and realized that my ex was never worth it because he didn't have anything going for him then and well....he doesn't have anything going for him now. The other ex is in jail serving time *cough*. Friends who I am no longer friends with are miserable with kids they cant take care of, or are still in high school (mwahahahahaaaaa) Some are simply doing the same thing they were doing back then which is .....well ...Nothing. And One Girl ain't got no neck (I had to throw that in there because when i saw that i almost fell out of my bed).

I'm not saying I'm a superstar or anything like that; however I am better off than they are and maybe I'm a bitch for basking in pleasure because they are not doing so well. Personally *blank stare* I Dont care. I'll be a bitch then....

So to all of you out there who may be reading this, don't stress the ex or the chick he cheated with, don't stress the failed friendships and so forth. If you don't harbor any ill feelings towards them and you continue to LIVE YOUR LIFE and persevere in whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish your gonna finally decide one day to look back and reminisce and say WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKIN?

Talk About Embarassing...

2009-02-18T15:44:00.000-08:00

My School Made World Star Hip Hop......

Those Hoodlums are not from ASU. Their random no education having retarded highschool kids.

I'll Do A REAL Blog Later On Because we're supposed to be having a Tornado in about a half an hour and the police are holding us hostage like this library wont fucking crumble in a tornado if we have one .....

This isnt how i imagined my death.....at all.

P.S. All of them are currently praying that the soap dont slip today. Enjoy Jail In County ......From What I Hear There are ALOOOOTTTT Of Homosexuals On This side Of Town In Jail.....Mwahahahaha!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME?

2009-02-17T13:18:00.000-08:00

My grandmother called me this morning and wished me a happy birthday and said she would be putting my birthday gift in the bank. So im like .....wtf?

My birthday is April 16th ...NOT February The 17th. Maybe she isssss getting a little old even though my grandmother has NEVER showed ANY of the side effects of getting old a day in her life.

So im debating whether to say something and correct her or shut up and take the money. Its NANA there's no way in hell i can lie to her....

So i correct her and she reminds me that today is the day i was ADOPTED.

I shoulda slapped myself for that. I almost forgot i was adopted today which is sad because this has always been a BIG day for me my twin sisters and my Older brother since it happened. The day Our Grandmother adopted us....DAMN!

SOOOOOO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEE!!!

Dear Nas (My Letter Of Gratitude)

2009-02-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Nas,

You Told Me The World Was Mines....
Then You Told Me I Can Be What I Wanna Be
I wish I Could Let You Know I Got The Message
But Life's A Bitch.
Ignorance Is More Fun.
You Know, Because You was Up On The Screen Talkin That oochie wallie Shit. You were Acting Like A Real Nigga. It Looked Fun and I Wanted To Be A Nigga Too. Live And Enjoy My Street Dreams.
Im tired Of Looking Out Of Project Windows. This Aint The Life We Chose. Not The One I Chose, I know that.
Well Nas You've Told Me Alot. I made Up My Mind And I Dont Wanna Be A Nigger No More. And You Dont Either. I Guess That Idea Got Ethered. You was messing with them Queens Bridge Niggas Ha Ha Got caught Up.
What Im Saying Nas Is That You Taught Me Alot Through Your Music. Whether You was on Ya Africa Shit Or On Your Ignorant Shit.
Thanks Nas ....
Well Enough Chatting, One Love

Signed, SW.

(yeah Im Back)

P.S. Nas, I still dont think im going to stop My Usage Of The Word Nigga.... Love You Tho

How Much For Your Soul?

2009-02-10T10:13:00.000-08:00

How Much For Your Soul?
Crack rocks sold on back blocks
9 millimeter glocks
Stashed in A Shoe Box
Cocaine's A primary stock
You living good gettin all this money
Niggas ain't gotta worry cause they ain't hungry
He wasn't thinking bout his family not even his kids
Until he got a 30 year long Jail Bid
D's came through and they wanted they cut
You wasn't going out like that so they locked ya ass up
Now ya wife alone and kids cant eat
And Ya enemies decided to put em out they misery
Shot Junior and babygirl both dead
fucked ya wife then put the Magnum to her head

How Much For Your Soul?
Come Home In hopes that Mommy Ain't On Her knees Praying to a glass dick
"Lord please forgive me but i need another hit"
Kids crying because they don't understand
why mommy selling they sister to another man
went from snorting to using needles
Don't give a fuck that ya kids need you
Ya daughter hate you and you been lost Isaiah
thinking bout it make you wanna get high a lil later
come down and get high, grabbed the spoon and a lighter and you ready to fly
She hit the shit too hard ...she lived for crack wasn't ready to die

How Much For Your Soul?
Unprotected sex on Dirty Mattresses and Park benches
You love doing you with these sheisty shark bitches
Swimmin in a ocean of them and you swimming in they pussy
since a youngster during school just to get it you played hookie
they give it up for free and you takin
takin what you can get but nigga you ain't thinkin
everything that glitters ain't gold
for sex your soul is sold
A Bachelor, Young Dumb Nigga Married To Your Ways
In The clinic Ready To terminate Your life now 'Cause You Married to AIDS
Un Holy Matrimony till death do yall part
Grabbed a gun and shoved it to your chest one shot to ya heart

How Much For Your Soul?
She get a little freedom so she running the streets
Daddy wasn't there and her moms turned the other cheek
She ain't wanna believe her daughter was a freak
went from straight A's
To Blow Jobs in a staircase
Locked Jaws on penises Like Pit Bulls
Was A Catholic Now She's sinful
On The corner Tryna get a buck
the highest bidder tryna win a fuck
Sold her soul, her innocence, and her body
A Trick put a gun to her heard now she crying "Lord why me"
Life flashes before her eyes
Dick Slid between her thighs
Raped Then murdered and threw the bitch to the side

So now he standing there wondering who's next, what else can he buy
He roams from Bush-wick to crown heights then runs through the stuy
Sheepish Muh Fucker lookin for new souls to take
Got eve to sell hers for a apple this niggas a snake
tryna see what they'll sell they souls for; bricks? a Benz? a brand new bezel
You cant tell me this nigga aint the devil

How much for your soul?

Update + Valentines Day + My New Religion

2009-02-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

Soooo basically the takeover has been going well. I called a few people, deleted a few numbers, hell....maybe even made some new enemies (if they took the shit i said to heart) but don't think I didn't replace their ass with some new associates.

The people in Shenda's Life are sometimes lame. She's like, this girl who takes in stray cats and dogs and tries to fix them up. I don't think she understands that she has a life to live. She shouldn't be fixing everyone else's life.

Teems, I have so much stuff up my sleeves. The agenda is long but very much needed to snap her out of this spell she's in. She's been tripping and letting people step all over her lately. Maybe I'll get rid of the losers, lames, fakes, and what not and surround her with different people. She needs a man too. Yeah she does. Lmao. So I got work to do people. The revamping process has begun. I've even got her back into the theatre and put her down as a Minor In Theatre Arts. She loves that shit, I don't know why she didn't Major in it. I wont change her Major because then She'll be mad. Next time she puts me away I don't want it to be for Good.

VALENTINES DAY + MY NEW RELIGION

So Valentines day is around the corner. There will be plenty of Bi-Polar, Schitzos (The correct way of spelling it is schizos but i much prefer the T) running around Brooklyn and every other state. I have come to the conclusion that during the Month Of February I Am A Jew. I Don't Celebrate Valentines day and since My Birthday Is In April, I don't mind not celebrating Birthdays, However Other people's Birthdays will Be acknowledged during this time of new found religion. I will most likely convert back to Shadow-ism (My own made up religion) After this time of trying out a new religion.

So Please enjoy crying because you didn't get that ring but instead got a Vickies See through edible thong. Enjoy your girlfriend Hassling you because you didn't spend THE ENTIRE DAMN DAY with her. Enjoy your boyfriend thinking SEX is a GIFT on Valentines day. Enjoy Your Girl thinking Balloons are the thing to have on February 14th. Some girl's may even be somewhere crying yelling FUCK VALENTINES DAY and secretly popping balloons because she didn't get any. Depression and madness.....Ahhhh Enjoy it.

I will watch from my window and other various windows as psycho's run across campus with pink and red on as if there was a new cult that i was not notified of. I WILL NOT attend dances because lets face it, their LAME. Parties...OK, Dances...NO!

Plus cupid can get stupid and girl's get desperate. So I would much prefer not seeing mismatched couples. ENJOY!

----Shadow.

She Told Yall I Was Coming Out.

2009-02-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

If you paid attention then maybe you know who i am. If not, Im The other Chick inside her head. They call me Shadow. Im always there. Ha Ha!

So basically Me and Shenda Been sharing A Body since she was 9 years old. Long story as to Where I Came From and Why Im Here.
She cant deal with stress and shit so once I sort this shit out she'll be back. Until then expect alot of angry shit coming from me.

What can I Say? It was Only a matter of time before I resurfaced.

Jerv Knew I was coming because he saw The away the other night. She tried to supress me for a minute but i guess these niggas getting to her. I tell her all the time, just swing on em'. She dont listen but i wont hesitate.

Anyway Enough About Her. I Guess I'll Be Blogging for a while.

Imma start By Changing The Blog Title. Life and times is so Un-Original.

Well I got some shit i need to handle with her Aim Buddy List. Im about to send messages out and people gonna think its her but ...Its Not LMAO. I love My Job!

Sincerely Signed,
Shadow

Dont Tell Me To Calm The Fuck Down

2009-02-04T09:10:00.000-08:00

Now That I'm 20 Years and ready start some shit up everybody Telling me To Calm Down NAH FUCK THAT"

--Tupac Shakur (A 1992 Speech)

I Watched a white cop Beat The Shit out of my cousin because he told the cop "Don't call me Boy, address me By my fucking name". I watched them Body slam My Home girl While she was 7 fucking months pregnant because she asked the officer "What Did He Do?" when she saw them beating My Cousin's Ass.

I saw her come home crying because she lost her baby. Do you know what was done ...NOTHING. The Cops said They Were justified. I cried as The Cops surrounded the "crime scene". They covered my brothers Body in a white sheet after they shot and killed him. You know what happened to those Police...NOTHING! They were deemed Justified in murdering him in cold blood. We were told to just move on because he was in a better place. FUCK THAT.

I have been called a nigger more than once. I've been looked over while standing on line and followed around stores like I was going to steal something. I have been discriminated against by the family of a good friend because I was of a certain ethnicity. I heard Don Imus call Other Black Women "Nappy headed Hoes". I've watched a video On Youtube where the dude from Seinfeld said Nigger several times to a young black guy in the audience. I've read shit in the newspaper where a man killed his daughter-in-law because she was black. He said he didn't want his son married to no Nigger.

I've noticed how they've already perceived us as thugs, baby mamas, baby daddies, and people who wont be able to get out the Ghetto. They even think that we all come from the ghetto. They think we're stupid. They think we some thieving ass, section 8 having, no education obtaining, Food Stamp Loving, worthless motherfuckers.

I have been called a bitch, hoe, lesbian, and a dumb broad on many occasions. To this day I still sometimes wonder whats worse. Being Black .....Or being a Woman ...Maybe its being a Black Woman. I've been degraded by my own Brothers in rap videos, movies, books, and almost any other way imaginable.

Yet they manage to tell me how I'm supposed to feel.

I ain't preaching, and I'm not Malcolm, Martin, Sojourner, Or Farrakhan. I just know what happened then and I Know whats happening Now.

Don't tell Me I'm supposed to look the other way and turn the other cheek. Don't tell me to chalk it up to their ignorance. Don't tell me "Leave it alone" and "Walk Away" 'cause I don't want to hear that shit.

I read about how MY ancestors were RAPED of their dignity, innocence, religion, and culture. I read how they were snatched from their country and robbed of their LIVES. Whipped, burned, hung, sold. Don't tell me How to feel when I'M THE ONE who saw Pictures of My ancestors hanging from tree branches while white people smiled, I saw how they were dragged through Texas gravel, and drowned in Mississippi rivers with their faces bashed in at the age of 14. Don't tell me to calm the fuck down when I express how I feel about it. DO NOT tell me how I should play their game and sell my soul for a dollar, or to get ahead.

You throw a month at us like you throw a Bone to a dog or give a baby a pacifier to shut us up. That don't give you the right to tell me how I Should feel.

"You cant Be More Offended By My Cursing Than You are About Whats REALLY Going On Out There"

-- Tupac Shakur (Same Speech)

DEAR DIARY: Falling

2009-02-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

Don't be scared of falling & not knowing if someone is going to catch you. That's what alot of guys ask me to do when they start the whole dating process. They ask me to fall and not fully know whether I'm going to hit the ground like i did last time. I've been through every thing imaginable not including STD's when it comes to relationships. I've dealt with 2 and 3 month pregnant Baby Mothers while me and the guy were in an 8 Month Relationship (read that line again i don't think you understood it). I've dealt with Crazy Baby Mothers, Down Low Brother (I still have a hit out on him), Lies, Cheating, And YES I've even been slapped up once (Trust and believe He got slapped, kicked, and scratched back. Tina Turner ain't have SHIT on me that day at the bus stop).

So when a guy even asks for my number or expresses interest in me these days i tend to run at the FIRST sight of any kind of problem. I wont say I'm not strong enough but i don't think that i could mentally take another crazy situation surrounding my love life. I think I'd be the next female featured on SNAPPED! on the Oxygen channel (Ladies Yall Watch Snapped, stop acting like you don't know what show I'm talking about).

Well, its been over a year since my last ~~serious~~ relationship. A Year and some months that I've been growing, learning, and finding out who I am, what I like, what I want, and what I don't like. I've revamped myself in a year. I've changed what i WILL and WONT tolerate. I think I'm a better person, and to me that's all that matters. Some people change for the worse and some people change for the better.I believe I've changed for the better. I look back and all my real friends are still here so I cant be that bad at all. I look back and people that I've rid myself of because they didn't fit in my equation (X+Y = Happiness) wish that they could make amends meet. When I was adding every Ashley, Tom, Jerry, and Amanda; they didn't always give me the correct end result (Happiness). I decided that I had to divide myself from them and subtract them from the equation.

LET ME GET BACK ON TOPIC. I say all of that to say, I'm no longer afraid, no longer scared to fall and hit the ground because now I realize that while I'm afraid of falling; each time I fell I GOT MY ASS BACK UP. So its that easy. Fall....Get Up...TRY AGAIN. Love is trial and error. You try it out, it doesn't work, you try something else, something different, until you find something that works!

So right now I'm currently not falling and I don't plan on falling easily either. IM NOT AFRAID, but I'm also not stupid wink. So when moving on dont do the whole rebound thing. It makes things worse alot of the time.

So to all you heartbroken, sad, love song listening to, "I hate men, and Niggas ain't shit" females. Get over it because it will stress you the hell out and have you going bald, and being bitter forever. You fall, hit the ground and get back up!

P.S. I Asked My brother what he thought a Strong Black Woman was (because we were watching some show about black women who date white men because the females believed that their Black counter parts couldn't handle a "Strong Black Woman") and he said this to me:

"Artelia (ughhhh My Middle name) these black girls think their strong black women because 'They Don't Take No Shit'. Those are the confused ones who don't know the definition of being strong. A strong personality only means your covering up a weakness. Having a strong personality and being strong is TWO SEPARATE THINGS. Just because she can scream holler and yell at the top of her lungs and start drama don't mean shit. That bitch needs to get her mind right. A STRONG black female is one who can go through many obstacles and NEVER lose her goodness. She can go through it, get through it, and keep on pushing minus the man hating, cursing and fucked up attitude."

I Love Him So much he always puts everything in perspective for me. Yeah he loosely uses the word bitch as well but trust me he never uses it to describe a female NOT of the Bitch species.

Love Is Blind.

2009-01-29T15:28:00.000-08:00

"Stooooooopppp Jamal" I heard her yelling. I couldn't sleep now, I was up. This was the 3rd time this week i heard things being thrown across the room; or people. One or the other, either way the shit was crazy and getting on my nerves. I was trying to yell through the phone and tell her leave. "Bitch! You don't need this shit. Marie Just LEAVE, GET OUT, FUCK HIM!!!" I yelled into the receiver.

I was tired of this. At least 2 times a week she would call me while he beat on her. I would get dressed, get in my brothers truck, and we would drive out to Southside to wait outside for her to walk out of his building. She would come out crying; with Black eyes, bruised skin, red lips (no lipstick needed). Swollen everything.

I couldn't believe a nigga would hit a chick like this. I was finally tired. I called my brother. "Mel, this shit is crazy, this time i want you to go up there" My brother sighed "Look C, I'm not doing that. I'm not fighting this nigga because she gonna be back in there fucking him like he ain't bust her lip a day before. I tried talking to Marie, this is what she want, she likes this shit. Maybe you should leave her. Let her get her ass whipped and don't go get her." I Shook My Head In disbelief. "Nah Mel, You wildin. I'll take the train". I was about to hang up and he said "Yo Chris (a Nickname they all called me), if that nigga even look at you sideways call me" I slammed the phone down on the table and got dressed.

I tip toed over to my grandmothers bedroom door past my sister's room; I didn't want them to ask "Can I Go?". Nana was up reading a book; probably the Bible. I hated leaving the house when it was dark outside. "Nana, Maria wants me to pick her up so she can stay here for the weekend, you mind if i go get her and she stay here?" My grandmother looked up and said "Come here" I walked in the room and stopped in front of the TV. She sat up in the bed, took her glasses off and closed her book (It was the Bible). She looked up at me and said "I know You Love That Maria girl, and I know you like to try to save everyone and everything. You CANT! Your not superwoman." I just stood their in silence. She looked at me and said "Stay Outta Trouble, and come STRAIGHT back."

Fast Forward. I'm on the Bus thinking about what I'm going to say or do. I got off the bus and walked up the walkway to his building. There she was standing downstairs with a robe on and no shoes, outside of a project building at 10 at night. WTF? "Marie, Fuck that nigga, we going upstairs because you need clothes." She pulls on me yelling " NO!, he's crazy, lets just go" I wanted to slap her. She shouldn't have been messing with this old ass man anyway. I dragged her onto the elevator and thought How could she even let him degrade her like this; how could he make her get on a pissy project elevator with NO shoes and NO clothes on.

"WHY Maria, WHY? How you letting this nigga treat you like this. He's about 7 or 8 years older than you, he hitting on you, he raped you, he threw you down these hard ass project stairs. Ma, I'm not dealing with this shit no more. You my Bitch, Nah fuck that you like my sister and I'll do anything for you. ANYTHING, but i cant watch this nigga beat on you no more. He's Going to KILL YOU MARIE!!!" She whispered "you don't understand"

I didn't understand, he had put her in the hospital for a week 2 months ago. How was I supposed to understand him hitting her, punching her, kicking her, or even worse, ...hurting her. I didn't get it, I really didn't understand but somehow someway I wanted to. I needed to.

The elevator started slowing down and there we were on the 9th floor. We walked off the elevator and up to his apartment door. I knocked on the door as hard as my angry little fist allowed me to. "Jamal, OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!" I yelled. He came to the door and i saw his eye peek through the peep hole. "BITCH, don't be knocking on my shit like that, what the fuck you want, You here for the Mandingo? ahhh ha haaa" I sucked my teeth and noticed how much he was stinking, smelled like weed.

"No! you fucking Faggot, I came here to get Marie shit. She's done with you she ain't coming back." Marie tried to say something but i told her "SHUT THE FUCK UP" and looked at Jamal. "He threw some clothes into the hallway and said "Whatever! that Bitch coming riiigghhhttt back. Aint that right Marie?" He looked at her smiling like something was funny or amusing about what he said.

I was angry and with that Brooklyn Accent and Attitude said "You a real Bitch nigga, you hitting females and shit now. I knew you wasn't shit when she met you on the line at the cyclone. She should have walked away from your Bitch ass then.REAL niggas DONT put they hands on no female. You pussy. You MAD pussy". I flipped him the bird and picked her stuff up and walked towards her. I grabbed her in the elevator Hugged her and let her cry. I called my brother and told him i needed him. It was late and i wanted to just ride back in the car. No bus, no train. My brother sucked his teeth and said he was on his way.

Marie stayed at my house that weekend. Actually; she stayed for about a week and everything was going smooth.

One day we went to school and she left after Lunch time. I figured she went home because she wasn't feeling good. She said she had been real sick lately. She was found dead a week later in Baisley pond Park in Queens.

She was a couple of weeks pregnant. He killed her, beat her to death LITERALLY because he was mad that she was stupid enough to get pregnant. I cried every day up until the funeral. I sat next to her moms at the funeral and thought about how i wanted him dead. I never had to say or do anything. A week after Maria's funeral Jamal was found dead Under the cyclone in Brooklyn. Right where everything started. One to the head, two to the chest. I'm not sure what happened to him but he got what was coming to him. He got what he deserved.

STEP YOUR CLOSET GAME UP: Nicholas Kirkwood

2009-01-27T14:36:00.000-08:00

Im So In Love.....So In Love.

S/S 09 Collection

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If you dont know about this british shoe designer i would like to formally introduce you to his modern, sexy, out of this world collection of shoes. I saw these on highsnobette and almost fainted in my seat. Just for good measure im going to throw a throwback shoe up here. Before i do notice the texture and bold colors he uses. GENIUS I tell ya!

These are last seasons but hey theres nothing wrong with copping last seasons anything if its this cute.

Dear Diary,

2009-01-25T20:15:00.000-08:00

"Just cause I Love You, And You Love Me, That doesn't mean that we're meant to be"

--Jazmine Sullivan (Lions, Tigers, And Bears)

My Obsession With Defaced Property

2009-01-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

Growing Up I Always used to sit on the train and i LOVED when the F train got to Brooklyn and i looked out to see Astroland in the distance as the train pulled into Stillwell avenue. I knew there was a world of graffiti and spray cans and illegal pictures to be explored and examined and even adored. I never really liked bombing (Its like when they might just put their name there) I wanted to see some kind of expression.

I loved the ones with the color (Street Art). The greens. pinks, purples, blues, oranges, yellows, all caught my eye and kept me staring while i was being dragged down the streets by one of my aunts, my little feet moving as fast as they possibly could trying to catch up and look at the defaced property at the same time. Coney Island was the shit.

Eventually i noticed the Murals for dead people and those always amazed me. Giant Life like pictures bigger than i was all readin "In Memory Of" With the painted face of some guy who had been murdered.

If you ask me Picasso aint got shit on Don, Fafi,Cope 2 ETC.

Here's Just A Few Things I've seen floating around That Caught My Eye and reminded me of the 90's when i was just a kid tryna get to a destination but got sidetracked by shit i considered to be art:

I Woulda FLIPPED. Do you see how 3D the stairs look even as he moves from the wall to the floor? SICK.