Dear Diary (2nd Entry)

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Unless You Was Me/
How Could You Judge Me?/
I was brought up in pain.../
Yall cant touch Me

-----Jay-Z - Blueprint (Momma Loves Me)

Dear Diary,

Back to me giving yall personal stuff about my life. My Moms did some real fucked up shit to my aunt recently, and even though i try to stay outta arguments and shit i was heated because my mother is always starting some shit within the family. Like that time she told me my pops wasn't my pops. I guess she was taking the anger she had for him out on me. The fucked up thing is i went all my life wondering if he was my pops, not that i care cause he's still my father, he's still the guy i know as POPS - (which i call him) - and was semi-there for me as a father figure.

I know Semi there sounds kinda fucked up but hey blog world I'm about to spill secrets about me: I'm adopted. Yep, but don't worry it's not by some rapist dude and his wife or some abusive bitch who treats me worse than she treats her biological kids. I was one of the lucky people who got adopted by my loving, caring, funny, real, charismatic, Gangster, grandmother. Neither one of my parents were there for me. Yep and I'm not some psycho killer drug addicted prostitute or some other fucked up shit like that.

My mom's is a touchy subject and i still don't like to talk about her, lets just say the 80's fucked alot of people up, and ripped alot of families apart. So she recently came back into my life when i was like 16 years old. 16??? Yeah i know by then i ain't want shit to do with her and already had crucified her for her demons and what she had did to me, my brothers, and sisters. She deprived me of a perfect childhood so i hated her.

I don't hate her anymore i just tolerate her now, I'm patient with her and though she did us dirty, i love her because she's my mother and because i eventually realized that i cant blame her and blaming her would only stress me out the rest of my life. I forgave her, and though they say never forget i decided to forget it too. Remembering would have made me still have a certain degree of resentment towards her. I figured she brought me into this world and she's my mother ..Kinda like Frankie (Keyshia Cole's Mother) said on the show the other night "Obey The Laws Of The Land, Respect Your Mother"

Back On Topic Now that you somewhat understand our relationship. So my aunt has two older sons and one younger one. My aunt's Oldest son just had a beautiful baby girl. So my mom's took the baby to my grandmother's house and when my Aunt's oldest son's father (Tony) came to pick my mother and the baby up to transport them back to East New York (Brooklyn) from My Grandmother's House (Queens) my mother started saying all kinds of fucked up shit to him like he wasn't a good role model and how my aunt's new boyfriend was a better role model for the baby and he wasn't shit - blah blah blah. Tony (My aunt's baby father) does so much for my grandmother and our family. He LOVES my grandmother and that's why i respect him because he has nothing but the utmost respect for her. He was mad, that shit made me mad, my aunt mad, and everybody else mad.

Like i said .....she's the fucking queen of controversy. This ain't the first time she started some shit in my grandmothers house. I be wanting to fight her, because my grandmother sacrificed EVERYTHING to raise kids that she didn't have.

So i guess we know whose going to be fighting at the dinner table this thanksgiving, My Mother and Aunt, My Mother and Me, Or My Mother and Tony, and if it ain't thanksgiving, it'll definitely be Christmas or new years.

This entry was posted on 2:43 PM and is filed under . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

8 Schitzos Talking

That's right... let these newbies know that being an "80's baby" is more than wearing 54.11's, big glasses, and colorful clothes.

My grandmother took care of me as well. She gave herself unconditionally and left herself UNDONE to raise me and my brother.

My family had less drama because they left all the skeletons in the closet. I on the other hand learned about my family's demons and beacame a whistle blower. So in a way I was the drama starter because I was the truth to all things unsaid.

I resent someone in my family but he isnt my blood... he was married in. If it werent for my grandmother and her forgiving-peaceful would be ugly.

Good stuff.

First off, that Hov quote is on point.. can't wait for BP3!

It's dope you can open up like that, and it's mad admirable that you can forgive ma dukes like that.

Drama is inevitable in life, it just sucks when someone you love is the one bringin' it :-/

Stay strong!

P.S. It definitely just hit me that the holidays will be here before you know it, dayumm I haven't even started thinkin about shoppin haha

Damn,I apologize for the stuff you had and still have to endure,but like t.I said,"god will never take you where he can't take you through",god bless and I wish the best for u in the future

You're damn right the 80's fucked some people up girl! Ugh, but I won't even go there. You know what though? The fact that you came out above and beyond that actual fucked up facts in your life says alot about your character. People out there who have had the same situation DID turn out to be those pshyco serial killers dude! So congrats on being what I guess can be called normal, loll.

Your mother is something else I see. Lmao @ "I be wanting to fight her". I can see why though, but you are being mature and handling things the right way. Try not to do too much damage on Thanksgiving.

@ Teems
Yesss The 80's isnt gold rope chains and the music they listen to, Thats how you know who the REAL 80's babies are because they know this.

Yeah i learned over the years that EVERYBODY has problems and if i let mines out they'll know that they aren't alone and if they judge me on it then...oh well.

@JERVIS Thanks, and aint that the truth, reminds me of footsteps in the sand

@She word Hustlez
I dont believe in Normal
whose to say whats normal and whats not normal.

THANKS For Reading! =]

wow, that's wild. I am kind of the same situation as you, so I feel exactly what you said. My mom & dad was never apart of my life while growing up either , and I do the same as you said by "tolerating" the both of them.

So much for the 80's huh ?

Ahh...I love finding new great blogs, and this is definitely one of them. Family bickering is bound to happen when the fam gets together around the holidays. I think thats where the winter depression stint comes from.

At My house its like much stuff that's unsaid, but you know people are thinking it.


Great story...

I have "parental issues" too so this definitely hits home for me...

A friend of mine said something similar to the Keisha Cole thing... Honor your mother and father and all will be well... I think that is actually a verse from the Bible... I am not there yet, but I am definitely working on it... Thanks for sharing...


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