Dear Diary (3rd Entry)

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He walks away, the sun goes down, he takes the day....But Im grown, and in your grey, in this blue shade ...My Tears Dry On Their Own"

-- Tears Dry On Their Own
- Amy WInehouse

I Love Dandelions But That's not what this post is about. Today I visited an ex's Myspace page ...ummm ...accident? anyway that's besides the point lol. So i went and i don't know what came over me. I think it was Solange's Two song's that came on 6 o' Clock Blues followed by T.O.N.Y (which has a wonderful video now thanks to Vashtie). I felt a sense of sadness but then i realized that he still hadn't changed one bit. He's still a guy who poses as this "Great Man" which he's really not. I think he would be if he could control that beast in his belly that causes him to be an asshole. Whatever though that's an old Act and Scene of my life, Act 1 Scene 3 I think I'll call it.....

Anyway let me catch you up to ACT 2 Scene 2. See In this scene The Dandelion Grows up into a grown Dandelion...Have you guys ever seen a grown Dandelion? I have....they're beautiful and i used to think that if i said a prayer and blew on the grown dandelion the little feathery things on top of it would fly off into heaven and tell God what my prayers were. *Sigh* I don't know if it was true or the wind was blowing hard enough those summers because my prayers were answered. Despite not having a mom or dad or what people consider a "Normal" life i was happy.

BUT NOW.....Not so much.

off topic but, i VOWED to stop talking to Jay.... will it work ..probably not but we'll just have to see.

CYN and TEEMS if you ladies see me talking about him in a post remind me im not supposed to be talking to him ...and if in the post i already have ...reprimand me or something LOL.

It's funny i don't personally know Cyn or Teems but those two seem like people i SHOULD HAVE been friends with instead of the people i was friends with....

QUOTE: "Pick Your Friends Like You Pick You Pick Your fruit" (Erykah Badu - Appletree)

Anyway ...let me get you up to the reason why me and Jay should no longer talk. WELL as you know a 6 year long relationship isn't something you can just get up and walk away from without some kind of feelings or injuries involved.

I was talking to this fool the other night VIA AIM because i don't like talking on the phone and he had his picture as his icon ....then switched it to some girls picture ....

Even though it wasn't in Mid AIM-versation i was UPSET. I think it was rude even though we still no longer go out and he probably doesn't know how i feel about him because I'm Halle Berry In these streets. I'm a good actor when i don't want someone to know how i really truly feel about something, and he's probably the only person that im like that with because he doesnt take anything seriously and he would probably think i was crazy ...whatever though...Moving on

I asked who she was and I'm pretty sure he lied, loll, I'm laughing because i thought it was funny that he felt the need to lie to me about it since we don't go out. He said a home girl....a friend ....sure.

Then BAM i realized it wasn't healthy for us to even be friends and i would stop talking to him ...when i told my best friend i wouldnt talk to him anymore do you know what she said???

"LMAO, girl you say that once every 3-6 months"

That Bitch!! -- She's so right....Usually, I'll talk to him for a couple of months then cut him off for a couple of months ....then he shows up out of no where, or he finds me on myspace or something...JAY GO AWAY!!

I guess he's meant to be in my life. I wish i had a dandelion so i could Make a prayer asking God to just help me forget I Loved him.

Well since i don't like to cry and i know if i go any further i will I'll put a Pencil here and resume this some other time ....

LADIES: If you haven't heard this song ...Listen to it ...P.S. Im pretty sure this is the song that'll be featured On my blog Next Week...Ciao.

You Can Call Amy All kinds of crack heads if you want but this song and her voice is the truth and if you dont agree then you probably dont like music. My Favorite Verse:

I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes thru,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,

I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
In this blue shade,
My tears dry on their own

This entry was posted on 4:16 PM and is filed under , . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

10 Schitzos Talking

GIRL! I need to get at you via AIM. you just said my whole life story & amy winehouse=the truth. i cried for you on the kitchen floor. she's so amazing!!! but if you ever need somethin you can def hit me up. I know what its like bein in your shoes.

love always,

Unfortunately I'm a man that's also in a relationship, so I can't really relate, but yeah, love is complex. Well, I tend to not call it love when it shouldn't be. I call it poison or something bad.

Maybe its because he was your first love. My girl had this issue too...

I love Amy's cracked out ass, and I have always loved that song! I'm glad that somebody else does as well!! I know what it feels like to try and be friends with someone you once loved or have feelings for. It's almost facing the impossible. I mean, if you can handle it then keep hanging around, but if its becoming too much for you, I'd catch ghost for awhile. I would've spazzed if I saw a picture of another girl as his icon as well. :[

Oh AIM me if you're bored. I'm on my kick all day at work. shewordhustles

song is tuff, that album was hot too.SMH,damn,what happened to this woman???


OMG, Strange I feel like I know you too. I say "I should have been friends with people like ______" all the time... So does that mean we get to stalk you on AIM? All in your personal space… lol

I was so guilty of keeping in contact with my ex's. They were the worst of the worst. I use to change numbers then give it to them. But now I block them on AIM. I deleted my myspace account. (YES) Social networking diminished the my degrees of separation and unnaturally kept me in contact with people I normally would not be in touch with. Seriously… On myspace I became 15 all over again. No bueno.

So disconnection helped keep my past in the past. I eventually stopped wondering what they were up to. It was hard for me because my past always came back to me. Like my friends will teach their kids and shit. No that was more than enough.

But in the case of "I cant stop talking about/to Jay"....I sentence you to the omission any word beginning with the letter ‘J‘....for one blog! lol ::Bangs gavel"

This court is now dismissed.

ahhh nice just sooo nice i love coming here reading your thoughts...its great....please dnt feel no way checkin ur ex page out everybody does that come on!!! hehe

Aww that is so sweet girl. I feel like I know you too. Its like you and I have gone through the same exact thing and then we just holla at teems so she can give us here worldly adivce lol. But I swear to LIU, that the other day I was thinking the same thing. I was gonna be like aight boom, If I mention jays name chew my ass. I wont front..Like wayy back I used to go to his myspace..(even though he isnt my friend) and I would look at his pic, status, and name. and that shit just used to kill me. like it would make me cry sooo bad. and i would be like damn he is having the time of his life without be like damn didnt I mean anything to you??? I honestly think about jay and blog about him. and thats it. I DO NOT go to his myspace page. he is blocked on my aim. and i erased all of his emails. Now I wont lie and say i dont think about him every single day because I do. however. I do not know how you can tlak to him with that picture. i did slip up like last month when he called me. then the next day i was like damn i cant stop thinkin about him. and i called him i was like hey. he was like yeah i just got home from 14th st. i was like oh what were you doing? he was like chillin. (in a matteroffact voice). i got soo mad i just started crying adn told him i hate you and hung up on him. i completely had a melt down. then he called me like 5 times. he just wanted to have the last word. but i dont want to put myself in that sitution anymore..feeling dumb. like teems said the less you know about the person and the less contact you have the bettter. just put a big ass bandaid on your heart and once it heals take it off. if you take it off during the process itll only get infected mami...

Thanks so much Teems and Cyn ...

@ Lynette i read your entire blog all 73 posts and i love the evolution and i see how the posts began changing and how YOU evolved ..and your still so young!! lol

Imma hit you up as soon as i stop being a bitch, because i have an attitude right now LOL

@e-rich and @ Malcolm Maximillion
Yall love birds LOL

Thanks Hun! and i love your book ..
because its in brooklyn LOL keep them chapters coming

@jervis ...crack happens...*shrugs*

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