They say I'm not as personal as i should be in my blogs.....So I Will Be...
I'm this extra happy all the time, full of life, charismatic, and fun to be around person but when i get home BAM!! Something rains on my parade of rainbows, skittles, and cherry-vanilla ice cream.
I didn't realize how VERY fucked up the world actually is and how VERY fake people were until after i lost Darryl. I guess the death of somebody that close to you can have you re-evaluating shit. I realized alot of people weren't my friends.
Eventually in 2006 a point in my life which i call "The Hype" had me all blinded and shit. I mean, i was happy but my happiness was a mirage(did i spell that right?). I could feel it and it surrounded me and all that other really cliche' shit but....i couldn't touch it. It didn't last. Eventually "The Hype" began wearing off towards the end of the year 06'.
Yeah all of the "friends" i had were disappearing, i either realized that none of these bitches were friends, or i realized that none of them bitches were friends (don't re-read you read it correctly). I had an argument with one girl for disrespecting Darryl, which is still a sensitive and touchy subject (watch what you say about him), and another female for leaving me after a party At 3am. - (UMMM Bitch that's Brooklyn, alot of strange scary shit happens to people who walk the streets alone in BKLYN) - and another friend who i recently dont talk to because...i just don't want to (nahhh theres some underlying issues i been too busy to identify them)
NOW I HAVE ONE BEST FRIEND Named ....Umm I Don't think she wants her name known
But the capricorn Knows who she is
After i realized people weren't shit and i was being TOO nice to everyone my alter ego (i don't know her name because me and her don't talk to each other) - became a home wrecker and started talking to this guy who had a girlfriend ....who he claimed he dumped. I don't know if his real name was even fucking Jayson (lying summama Bitch)
So me and him went through more shit than Erica Kane from "All My children". Baby Mommas was coming out of no where three months pregnant, mind you we were in this torrent love affair for about 8 months...so yeah. Then he's lying about where he's going, and who he's with, Another baby momma pops up she's a couple of weeks or a month or two pregnant what the fuck??? Long story short Sayonara Sucka! I ran and finally decided to RUN FAST
Love is fucking blind and retarded well the illusion or belief that you've obtained it is......
The illusion of Love will have your ass more handicapped then a Special Ed student with dyslexia and down syndrome on a short yellow bus banging your head against the back of the seat.
Soooo i decided to move on and actually heighten my standards. So i went and found me another thug (lmao) ...but THIS TIME...he didn't have a girlfriend That's improvement right? (LMAO, I'm such a cunt).
*SIGH* Instead he had a psychotic Baby mother who just KNEW he still loved her and a best friend who was head over heels in love with him ...i know....i cant fucking win.
Welll long story short because i don't really remember shit about him is that he was a jerk and i don't want to get into too many details because ....fuck his life and the pussy he swam out of.
Now ..here i am today with no feelings for men. I still talk to an ex - (One who DIDN'T break my heart..we were together 6 YEARS and because he went off to college i decided it was over because I'm a jealous bitch who is suspicious of every one's motives) - and every now and then we have "sleep overs" most of the time we don't do shit but laugh and watch movies and act like ass holes joking on each other until he falls asleep in the chair and me on the bed.
I believe he's like the perfect guy but ....he's too much like me ...cant be serious. He doesn't show much affection (unless he wants something *Raises Eyebrows*) and that bothers me. I like that mushy shit at least once every 3 months.
I do have an alter ego (she's the home wrecker...not me) and She doesn't have a name. We hardly ever speak. Many people know her and have interacted with her - (I know this because i get funny looks from girls and called a bitch from guys that i don't EVER remember meeting) - So from time to time you miggghhhtttt just be hearing from her and not me. I hope that bitch identifies herself because i don't want you guys thinking any less of me.