He said "We can be friends tho", I just looked at him and whispered in my head "Your not gonna cry, your not gonna cry,this bastard WONT see you cry". I smiled turned and walked away up the stairs and to the end of the platform. I had my back to him but heard him call my name, but i didnt respond or turn around. I had decided after the word friend i should deleted him completely from my phone and any other physical contact i would have with him, i deleted him from my head, from my life, NO...I deleted him from my reality. He was no longer a real person. His voice yelling my name out had completely went over my head and vibrated off the walls of the trainstation that seemed so empty.

There were hundreds of people walking through turnstyles, swiping metrocards, boarding trains, smiling, and laughing but im alone. Lonely cold, and wanting to just close my eyes and sleep this feeling off. It was december and i wanted to sleep until April.

My train was coming in.

**DING DONG**
--This IS the Queens Bound J train, This is Broadway Junction Next Stop ...i didnt know what he said but i was sure it was Alabama Ave. Then Van Siclen. I Stepped off the train because i saw asshole hop on. He thought he would catch up with me but hell no.

I backed up right before the doors closed and stood on the platform. He wasnt about to be on the same train as me. I watched the train loudly pass by and threw on my headphones Hova's Song cry was the first song up.

I'm the "I cant commit because my dog ate my homework, and its gonna rain, and my hair needs to be done, i cant find anything to wear, I've been hurt before, i don't trust men, my mom was a lesbian, Oh you have a dog? i hate dogs" Type of person,
meaning i tend to make up excuses about why i cant be in a relationship when approached with one. I know there's a deep dark reason why but i cant put my finger on it and with me being so young I'm not sure if i want to.

Weird right? A Chick whose not into commitment, whose actually afraid of it and running from it. You dont run across that much do ya?

Is there something wrong with just wanting to enjoy my freedom?
I know your all like "Of course not",
but then why do i tend to miss what i keep running from? I enjoyed being in "relationships" at a point but i gave up on them. Oh the stress, drama, aggravation, time, and exhaustion that it takes.

Whats Wrong with me? Is there anything wrong with me? Whatever..... Still not ready
guess I'll keep running

I Wanted to do a personal blog, mostly for me, more for me than any readers. I dont really know where to start. Do i start back in the 80's when i was first introduced to Brooklyn? or early 90's When i found Queens [South Jamaica to be exact]2005 When I Found ME but lost HIM. I Dont know well f*ck it how about i start here.
I Remember when there was a time when diaries were personal and had "Do Not Touch", "Private", and "For My Eyes Only" signs on them but in this day and age the internet has taken over, and everything is done by computer. Shit some people cant even use the bathroom without walking past a camera plastering there image on a computer screen while some mall cop watches. Whatever tho, im still oldschool, a product of the 80's [i refuse to call myself a 80's baby]. And coming from NYC i got the gist of what the 80's was about.

**Yeah Im The Adorable Chick with the Pink Jumpsuit Pretty Hair And Barettes lol


Crack epidemic hit queens hard and i was personally affected by it. I know im supposed to be keeping it real, but some shit you dont release on the internet [NOT FOR FREE ANYWAY] and you know what. I think the crack epidemic is still going strong, just not as apparent as it used to be. I still see people nodding off in train stations, park benches, hell even rappers in interviews [Weezy f. Baby]
Shits Crazy, Oh well.


I dont mean to go off topic but right now im just talking to be typing.

WE MAY HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT. Thats not really far off topic, I say that because back in the 80's and early 90's i had no idea that we would ever see a legit black man worth voting for running for president. I say legit and worth voting for because he's not just some political clown ass n*gga running for president. He's a well educated man who believes that he can actually change the world, and doesnt even want his color to be a factor in our decision to vote. In the 80's would we have REALLY seen this, and dont say Jesse James, because All of Obama's kids are accounted for and very well his and his wife's. Shame on you Jesse.


AND NO!! I wont be voting for Barack Obama because he's black. Im voting for him because at least he says he wants to change something. Now Will He? Who knows but at least he offers us that hope, McCain On The Other Hand wants everything to stay the same, doesnt see an economic crisis and he picked the worst V.P. choice ever Sarah Palin ....I Feel Like the United States Of America and international Ambassadors, Presidents and Officials just got PUNK'D!!


[tho now that alot of financial institutions have gone bankrupt or is in need of aid from US the taxpayers he see's it]

Whatever tho its too late for him, attention media whores, both him and Palin. Im Going With Barack Obama, And Biden, who to me is probably more hood than Obama. I Really Like that Biden dude.


Well thats enough of me basically just talkin shit to kick this blog off, I'll be back soon with the real stuff. Probably after i eat.